Rainbow after the storm

Hello People,

Been a while since i really blog, almost no collection of what is going on..... And few years down the road, I wanna flip thru my post and go, "oh, really, it happen or i totally forget about it"

Let me start with the GEMS Sales Conference from 14 Oct 2011 - 16 Oct 2011

Day 1 - Meet at the airport like 0715, as usual ZP was late in picking me, lucky shawn took the ticket for us. Had some expensive BK breakfast in aiport before we depart.... So it goes the 4 rookie from Roland Tay Org.

We had little shopping and was recommend to go lot 10, where all the nice food where, until u dont know what to chose.

Dinner was recommend by Algernon, at the opp street near hotel, where Jerard bought us there, same stretch, cheap and good.....Then not as what i planned, too tired to go KL zouk, as the convention was early in the morning.

Day 2 - The Sales Conference - To reward rookie that have good sales achievement from Feb 2011 to May 2011.

LUNCH after sales conference, the Japanese food behind hotel, same price, different currency, good food......was a treat from the BDM.

While the guys were happily watching the soccer match between manchester and liverpool, MY and me were just using our phone and stoning away..... Cause there were nobody entertaining us... When the server was slow, and is buffering, MY and me were be like YESH.... While i look a little from the match, ZP was in Sin watching the same match, and we were WA-pping each other... Of course, the response was so slow.....

Before the dinner , MY and me actually went to had our hair was and blow, and I had a almost free 1 hr plus good massage.... Cause someone purchase the deals.com and couldt come, i was so pai seh, i think i needed to give a token, instead of free.... It was good massage...

But the dinner, was like "argh", imagine asking for pepper, u were given salt, and u open the salt, and u see worms crawling inside.. There was nothing nice, it was like a cheap skate 8 course chinese dinner in some room watching soccer.

Day 3 - was r & r, and i did last minute shopping and my A & W. Back into Sin and my beloved ZP was almost at the glass door picking me. Awww.... sweeet....

The most happy thing and the most expensive of the trip was the DFS in Singapore.. Bought many many item, Facial cleanser, SK 2, perfume and mositurer, since there wont be anybody helping me to buy anymore....

Then with some event such as the EPIC turkey meal and the Batam Gateaway !

Of some random occassion, the guys decided to have some epic turkey meal after watching the epic turkey meal on you-tube.... So they went mustafa and some places to get the stuffs to get ready for their own version of epic turkey meal with lots of honey baked bacon..

I actually left ZP over there and went to do my own stuffs, didnt really wanna know how it will be cooked and all..... So when i reached there, everybody was eating, cause u know, police are never early for appointments, but i was wrong, for food, they are so much so earlier....

So i flip thru the photo in my camera, so didn't look so bad..... from what i saw earier from what fifi posted on instagram.....

This is what really happen behind the scene...... The slapping of dun know what by an Ang moh whose is a muslim......

When i reach, i just ate and dont want to know what happened. ZP actually baked brownie with some alcohol ( forget which one ) with ice cream for the guys......ZP is the man that will bake literally and cook something, unlike me the lazy one.....

From what i heard is a retreat with the team to Batam with gals, to just these 6 guys ( after their night shift )..... Thats how may gateaway to Batam, and my first time there... Serious, been to Bahamas, Milan, Munich, Airports of US, but not to bintan and batam....... so was a bit of excited....... So we went aboard the Penguin 10......

Just because we are Singapore or tourist, doesn't mean u need to "chop" us, for a simple transport to the airport cause like more than Singapore when Batam expenses is cheaper than Sin. The hotel we stay, Swiss Inn ( of course with WIFI) was ok, but is warm cause of the west sun.

Rest a little, went for some shopping, and damn, the fruits cause 50,000 rupiah for just one small pack guave and jackfruit, nope is like 5 dollars each for each fruits that cost 50 cents each in Singapore, and Mr Pink just paid not knowing it.

Went for the massage but dont feel like it damn good...Still dont prefer massage in Indonesia unless is the one in Bali that we went foot massage with roland. Damn Good and shiok. then went for dinner at this Golden Prawn 933, expensive ( about 14 sin for the food ) qnd to me it was so so.

The only part that I was looking forward to was I heard got A & W in Batam , can't wait to eat and enjoy since at KL, it was so rush that i had a indigestion.... But over at batam, the fish burger was so cold, the chicken was so small, the fries worse than mac curly fries.

What ever it happen, my ' shakespeaer hates your emo pomes" is with me... That bring a little smile and laughter.....

I am freaking piss..... Nothing has been confirmed... After freaking 2 weeks plus... After the very naggy fromm me .. then he decided...........to book and is not the original plan.....The price of the flight has been increasing, the price of the hotel haven been increasing like nobody business just for like a few days different..... i dun know what I am waiting, waiting for the price to drop, fat hope...

I cant stand this kind of arrangement, waiting and waiting an wait for the price to go up n up... I have doubt, i have doubt about the trip to hong kong.... I wanna enjoy and not get piss.... ya, thanks... I am just like a mummy trying to plan everything without the help... no discussion, no mutual understanding... nothing..... i dun wanna to be a mummy and nag.... i will to enjoy my time, not to solve problem..... I wanna wash my hands off like almost immediately or after hong kong.....



Throw me at phuket, i have no problem, throw me at europe, maybe not... but i have no idea of freaking hong kong......... at most, i will turn it to my mini/pre argentina tango trip, where i dance the night away....

After being insecure over certain unsolve issue, just using rationale to control my feelings and emotions... And my concerns was just dump to one side, probably just being acknowledge once a while... i am starting to get :-(

The bitterness of a Sour relationship

I realise i haven blogs for months... been wanting to, but either I was very sick, busy with work or too tired to even type, even i want to.. I prepared it on the bus and all but it was not posted. Haiz.. Got to re-type ???


Lucky, I found it.....

(on 2/10/2011)

So many thing had happen for the past few weeks......

Most recent first
I bought a furla bag for myself for bdae which was one week late. Plus miss sixty belt.

Yesterday,
My beloved car was sold, nope not changing a new car. Many reason to why is sold. Firstly, to response to God's word, "let it go". Where the little girl had hand over her precious pearl necklace to the father. Later, which his dad gave her a real pearl necklace. I was sick of driving, and be in he car, it was drowning me on sorrow. The radio set is transfer to another car.

Last week, on 24/9, the day of my bdae. I did not go out, I was so tired and I just wanted to stay at home, not because this year I was not oversea. Then I slowly develop fever with 37.4 when my normal body temperature is 36.5. As the night goes by, my fever went up to 39.2 degree even when it drops is like 38.8. And I puke infront of my mummy.

At 4pm,I was literally pull out of the bed to go hospital. Contemplating to go clinic but I guess I need some blood test and dun waste money. As I arrived with a very hot and weak body. I Went to fever part of a n e, with no visitor. After seeing the doctor, I was actually put on drip, 2 pines full flash... X ray x 2 Then another pine and another pine. Totally of 4, after 6 hours in the hospital, I finally ask where happen to me and left the a n e. I was actually having pneumonia, faints...where I got it from...and I was weak, very weak for the next few days. I did not had any appetite.

I actually want to talk about this irritating man. A man who say loudly that if he is not with me, he will ride alone and not be in any bgr. Of course, that's all they say.

They say they dun like skinny skin But yet also they are with them. And he dun have the check to admit it. U say is me but u left me when I had some health issue. Why dun u say is because u r with another gal called jennifer Chen.

And after years of dating, he who cannot give me a timeline to roughly when to settle down, not even a year, no ring, no proposal. I was left dangling for 5 1/2 years. Looking at the email, he msg those gal. I feel disgusted, and I feel I don't know him. I felt dumb when I saw all those naked picture of other woman and he claim is Ben who send him. I was an idiot and that's why I slam his laptop. And when everything went bad, he ask for reason . I took the email out, he told me"I am not wrong, I never do anything " and with the beating and other stuffs, he say he is never wrong, I deserve. And is support by his cousin and he say his late grandmother will approve it. I hope u r happy with it. I dun know what kind of family moral is that.

He simply can't msg me properly and giving rubbish excuse, but I dun see it when he is with her. Is all rubbish, when they hate u, they say anything.

Me, I dun know whether to trust love, the feeling or what. I just wanna put everything down n behind. And after the car, left the house.

(on 25/10/2011)



Since i am on my long ride bus journey, time to put my thought into some writing. My mood now- happy and excited. Today, I finally get to close a cold case of my own. My goal was just to close a case for every day at roadshow.



I just had a feeling, when u have nothing. You only have a heart to that one person maybe. I finally know who will be there for me when I had nothing or will leave me when I almost had nothing. I found a man who can tolerate my nonsense and bad temper , crankiness and still pamper me like a princess. He was with me almost everyday, and bring the simplest happiness that people will crave for.



While my own business goal is still more than 2/3 away. I believe in the power of mind. And I seriously want my star award ( so that i can appear on newspaper) that's why I had to aim for top 3 rookie in the roadshow to tell myself I can do it. The mind can do what the body n ?

Frustrated Day/Years

It has been a frustrating 2 Years... When nothing seem to be going right. I guess I have to bear large part of it for not been discipline. I didn't like how I was treated in the force. I eventually left because of their stupid structure thinking the outside world is better. Probably, maybe I just didn't discover yet. Probably, I wasn't really ready due to limited savings and controlling of liquidity funds. I didn't work regularly and smartly. Eventually, the Cost was killing me slowly. I wasn't earning fast enough to recover, I was bleeding... I thought I could slowly recover. But seem, is the same. The cost is high and my income is not even enough to cover. It has always been finding things to cover the here and there. It is so tiring.

One day, while driving, I just felt tired, mentally tired of driving.
Of finding ways to maintain the car which I can't barely support myself. Because of it, my dignity was compromise. To think logically , I don't really need it when I was i became a full pledged paramedic. Office and home was 2.6km. It became habit and too costly to let it go. And now most of the time is at the carpark. As much as I love the car, I knew it was time to let go. Cause I should just really focus on what I want and not what other ppl want. I didn't have branded to start with, but guess it was influence.

I prefer to have a simple life, go to work, with reasonable
Fixed pay. Save up money, go holiday once a while. Probably
That all I can ask for and pray for. Maybe I not really suitable for the competitive business Industry. Maybe I should do outdoor, just concentrate on normal
Job. Just lead a simple and easy life , probably I would be happier. I miss those times when I could depend on my own, buy myself or mummy rings. Pay myself for Things that I want or need. Then to rely or "see their face" to have it. Make me no Integrity and shameless.

For love, I guess I should have not having illusion of love, probably just not on me. Maybe is just not for me or yet, is painful. Seem that I got to beg for it. Yet, sometime I love it when i am loved. How he fetch me to work and pick me up no matter how tired or sleepy he is. But is it enough to sustain, sometimes I feel that he is not fighting hard enough like what he claim that he will.... He rather put up a fight then to never fight at all... Has the fight started ? or when will it actually start ?

The long-Due Gathering

I remember back in March 2007, when J and I had our first break up, I was depressed and sad. I would go to California Gym at Orchard, and be at the treadmill for an hour. Sometimes, Omar and Azhar plus me will go together. ( I lost 6kg from wisdom tooth and 4 more from gym ? but now, nothing seem to work, haiz )

After few weeks, at a dinner gathering, I knew yati, and wan was azhar's buddy during the paramedic course. We spend that evening at Viv0-modesto, bitching.... Those were the days, where we lead our carefree life !
Yesterday, I can be myself again, without the stress and the formailty.. I do not need to watch what I said.. I am one of its own at the group... Size and language, martial status, background, doesnt matter... They accept you for who you are. In the pic -Azhar, Eddy, Wan, Omar, Jody, Yati

We were life savers on the road and we will still be for the people who appreciate us.

Eddy - Currently, student in NYP studying occupational therapy.

Omar - Enrolled Nurse with Ren-Cir

Jody - Financial Planner plus real estate

Azhar - MOE Teacher

No matter what you go, wherever you are, there are still people who care for you and accept the real you.




I remember when i first entered Changi, Omar was there, cause he was Q's good friend. We often change shift, I will work day shift, he will work night, cause the no. of calls are the same and he stay in Boon lay......

Classmates and Councillors for 4 years in Damai Secondary School, Schoolmates in Poly, Colleagues in the force. Friends for 15 years............

So is the clubbing and the KL short trip coming. Cant wait to go out with u all and have fun !

Painful days

It started on a thursday night,because of one small little petty incident leading to an huge argument and it turn quite bad..... Bad..



Next day, went for friday meeting, and after that it became worse.. No communication and all.... Then i decided to go to Roller blade without my guards ( cause is missing ).. Even with slight pain over my ankle..... I manage to blade to Fort road from carpark f2, called people but the kind of response i want... When i u-turn, then he called.... While talking halfway, near area c, BBQ pit 7, I slipped and fell on my buttocks and using my right hand to break the fall... Ouch, it was damn painful, just like when i had a fall last time. I feel giddy, i felt as it I had a Neuro Shock... I felt the cold sweat.....



I was worried about my old injuries at my buttock region, turn out is ok.... But i couldnt feel my right hand. I couldnt grib, i couldnt swing.... I still try to stand and slowly blade back toward the other end of east coast. That is what you need to do it you are alone.

Being a ex paramedic before, u will start to have your provisonal diagnosis.. So i check for swelling and bruises, ROM of my arms. There was no swelling, so cant be #, thought was dislocated, but cant be, cause i still have some form of ROM. I was unable to really pin point the pain, only some generalise pain.

After discussing with 2 operational paramedic, one told me to go hospital, one say can rest and see how....

Few hours later, the pain progress, I was asked by my beloved police, my pain score and ask if i wanted arm sling... :-( I went to H1 to have my arm x-ray. Thank God, there was no #, doctor say i probably brusies my soft tissues and was given pain killer jab on my ass ! Argh ! that's goes my $90 bucks.

No more stupid arguments... is painful....

Another Day....

Before my old age take place, I remember the first time i met him outside club was when I send the club sandwiches. He was on duty and he was back at based having his lunch, and there i thought he didnt eat yet. I decided t dropped the sandwiches with fifi and go off, which he ?speed to there and convince me not to leave there. I saw him parking his car and walked over to my side. That was the first time i saw him wearing uniform, and he was cute. He leaned over the driver's window, and was talking to me.

From his body language, it say almost everything that he is inclined or interested in me. I was like oops...... But guess what, he didnt eat it until the end of the shift or before he met me....

Vagely, I remember while I was out having dinner and drinking session with Fehrin, he msg me and tried to test out if I am interested to join them for movie. I was a bit interested but not a must... The irritating part he ask me how when I told him that I am still drinking with my friend. He hesitate but i got a feeling that he wants me to be there. And I decided to force him to make decision, I told him if u want to go then i go, if not is ok... And true enough, finally, he make a decision. With the alcohol in my blood, I drove Fehrin back to pasir ris then back to town.

I msg him, then he came out to pick me. While watching the movie, he was leaning to my side, and always gently covering me with my shawl, and his hand will gently slide over my right hand. From the touch, I realise something was even wrong. He kept on asking me to lean over to his side which i am like " so much space "

After the movie, they took one thousand and one minutes to decide where to go... He fb, and say he wanted a mermaid, oh well it was a pretty English mermaid, Serena from "Pirates of the Carribean " Finally, they decided to go to starbucks over at scotts. And everybody was driving so slowly... zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZz....

Almost everybody was playing iphone and playing games, he was siting beside me, trying to strike conversation but have nothing to talk to me.... Haiz......

The end of the long and suffering chapter.

So What's new for the last 3 weeks ? Nothing much.... Suppose to be on leave, but guess, ya still being bugged...



Finally, we did close the joint bank account, transer the singtel's line to his name. So basically, left the house and the car.. Car is mostly to sell, only need to collect the stall stuffs from him. I am paying for his expenses, which he just throw and leave it to me. The house, think is in the process of cancelling, but no news yet.

Is a relief to let it go, the long end emotional stress.... Maybe, they were right, I should have let it go long time ago.


No matter how sweet the love is or was, will turn ugly and end.

Floorball Game.

Yesterday, after contemplating whether to go for Tango Practica or Floorball with the church People.... I wanted both, but can only chose one due to the timing. So ya, eventually went for the floorball to do some cardiovascular, I would think Tango will be more on conditioning...... I need to lose weight !!!

I had never play Floorball before, only know it similar to hockey. It was not just sport but fellowship with the rest which i never had chance probably for the last 10 years. As usual, feel that they somehow or rather will be late...... And then, it transform to a place where we can play....

I told myself, I must play the game aggressive, not like when in RTO... I must be aggressive and do my Personal Best.... Be in anywhere..... is true, think during the first game, after 1-2 min, i was like SOB..... But then, I still carry on... I knew I can..... While playing half way through the session, while I heard then say." Just shoot !" I just wacked and looked infront, and the ball hit the goal keeper's chin and it went in, GOAL ! I was contended, but still, i never give up, i continue the game, be it attacker, defender, goal keeper.....

It feel good to sweat, unlike at RTO, probably just 2 hours and you do need to rotate, and there are people who are really competitive... so it just make the game like hmm... I like sports, especially games, and I like it with sportsmanship, not like when u want the opponent to die... Is like guys who smack hard at girl like at beach volleyball... And I like it when I can save the smack ( of course, damn painful lah ) .. Is like, "Nice", whether it goes in anot... But at least I know, I am not as weak as you think I am. I miss beach Volleyball...

The after effect of floor ball, back pain especially the lower back, and slight on the right upper arms... At least I am not like someone, who has almost pain all over their body. And i did had a good rest.... First, it was badminton, then BBQ, then now floor ball. what else, heard is captain's ball............

Amazing Saturday

Something interesting today ( i mean saturday )

Be in the right place and you prosper....

Have you ever see a fish swimming in the water, and feel that is happy....
What happen if you put the fish on the bed..?.

If you are in the right place. u feel happy and things will be fine ......



While talking to Isaac HO, and asking him for guidance, He told me my embrace was good..He say i am stable and relax.and i have my own style. lol.. probably only dancing with him. But my walking backwards needs improvement... He say that we should go for regional festival then go BA. And like what his thinking is, no matter how prepare you are, when you go BA u still hve culture shock...So is better to go there earlier, and to dance better.. Unlike some people thinking who think that u must prepare for long to go there.

While dancing with him yesterday, I was alive, dancing with him is like amazing, no stress.. Without active dancing in milonga and lack of practica for 2/12, I manage to hold myself and dance like what i was lead... I was able to support myself. ochos and pivot and giro, and turn and turn..... His return just spark me back a little which is good...

I had a very random and sudden thoughts, I wish to sell the car, and if I have the profits, I book a ticket to BA, Argentina to learn Dancing and to stay there to clear my mind..... I wish to go there alone or at least with someone that is bearable, meaning not irritating.... I want to be like Isaac, who learn dancing like 10 hours... I forsee that I will sli down tremendously... The amount i pay marie france is worth more there...

It was an enjoyable farewell dinner with Isaac..before he head off to BA again. Knowing more stories about people, he is sure one of the people that can read me.... :-)

While talking yesterday, I told him if i am succesful ( in work or dancing ) cause u made me.. missing u from half of the world, just maybe make me want to be with u more.

what touches me was, i am not pretty, i am not slim, i am neither soft or caringbut u love me for who am

Brand New Day

I wanted to write something, probably about myself, but then I flip through the photo and I dun know what to type. I read through my old blog post and I still dun know what to type.

I suddenly got a urge to type something....that is so close yet a bit far

How we met : Inside club ( I hardly go club and i don't even go around knowing people )

Then I flew to bali on the very next day, he added me on fb. I didn't even know who is him, only know we a mutual friend. While I was at Bali, I was talking to my friend, not knowing that he tried to sound for my phone no, in the excuse of having the dancing video.. ( actually, i feel the most easiest way to break ice, is to have camera and go around n take pic or video, it would be better if u r a good photographer ).

After i came back, while at home, I was actually talking to 3 different people from the same team at one go. He was one of them. On the pretext of leaving the house, he left his contact for me... ( WTH, who leave numbers for financial planner? lol)... Somehow or what, i feel he got whats app, and true enough...we texted a while, he say it was boys night out ( i was waiting for him to chio me out loh, angry! ) then he say hp low batt ( dun know how true )then on and off , we have been whats-apping since then.

One friday night, to celebrate for big boss's bdae, I actually dress up nicely to the dinner... While at the dinner, I actually received WA msg from him, and he ask me to go club..I was like, I am all dress up and in town, why not..... But people that i know was not going, and accordig to him, they are not going so early, as usual... Then i ended dinner at 2200hrs, and waited.. Seriously, i didnt trust whether they going, so i went back home. With my nice make up, i doze off while waiting, trying not to be desperately by texting people. Woke up at 0000hrs with the make up, text him, and guess what, HE WAS THERE AT ARENA liao, without teling me.. NOT SINCERE one... Hack lah, whatever, since i got make up......

I didnt wanted to drink, but since it was an invitation.. ok loh.. ( i bet he didn't know what he got himself into. lol ) So i pour one glass, cheer, and another one, and the 3rd one..... I told him, my theory to drink with me is 3 glasses at one go then rest 5 ming, 3 glasses 5 min.. 3/5/3/5/3...at the end of 30 min, He posted 9th glass in 30 min.. I was like ok mah..... just quench thirst a bit... Then he goes, needing to smoke with the fast travelling alcohol..... then with the drama show put up by jeremy....

I went back the club drinking with the boys.... and i was still not high..... hmmm... half way through, i decided to leave, cause i feel something was a bit wrong.... i texted him, and he said that he should send me to the taxi, i said it was ok.... When he worked up that day, He text me, and then he hinted that we should hang out one day, with just that 2 of us.. I was like " hmmm.... ok" what else to say.... I was like see how.. then in fb, posted something , and he was cheeky, and everybody goes like kinky...

Dun recall if it was the same day or what... He texted me, he was alone, with the parents taking his car, he subtle tried to ask me out for dinner with him. Guess what ? The spicy revengful me, say no, cause he never jio me when i wanted to go out.. Hmmm... i rather stay home too....with him eating his instant noodle.YEAH, revenge is sweet !

He actually time the number of minutes that I was missed by him, actually I was having my tango practica... And when it ended, i text him, he told me was 112 min...i was like ok..hmmm.... even more weird..... my guess, he is falling, falling for me....

One day duty, while he was at work, he texted me and say he had craving for club sandwich. I say if he see one, will he eat?, i went all the way to search for it online, snap a pic and send it to him... Can see cannot eat... lol..... Well, at least it cheer him abit..... Then had his mood swing and every body in the work place is annoying him.In the middle of nowhere at big splash, I was searching high and low for a club sandwich under the hot sun..... And it was so diificult, and i went for the next best alternative, Starbucks...... with teh ice from teh tarik..... And send it over to eunos npp when fifi is, and he can drop by and pick it up...It was a anti-mood swing sandwiches to cheer him up, which he didnt eat till like after work.*roll eyes.

That day, after being touched by the sandwich, he tried to ask me out for dinner, which i say ok.. He picked me up, and something interested happen, and so i ask him whether are you friday, saturday or sunday.. He laughed......

Pleasant Surprise

Last Sunday, after shopping for Jolene's present, and since I was late for practica so i didnt go, and then meet the rest at Minds cafe. Then i tried very hard to prepare the cake in the tight space cause i was just 2 seat away from her. I had to call the other people on the other side to divert her attention then can the cake appear we cut the cake first...

Thank God, she love the present that i chose....lol.......

Came was Monday, when I had my follow up appointment at KKH cause of my ? hormone imbalance... I told my boss i going appt and i will be on MC.Know my boss ask me what again.... He say he didnt know my appt timing and why am i Taking mc... I told him 1030hrs, and the last i went, it took me half a day..... He say lt him know by 12oo if not fine 30bucks.... Didnt i say, i will be on mc already.... From fever and drowsy , want me to work, mc also need to work and i am expected to be pink of health...

While at KKH, when they tried to verify the NOK, i was like erm... My parent didnt even know that i have some bleeding problem.. I had to change, since that idiot had left and uncontactable. And when they asked, I was like erm, and I looked at GZ, and ask him, if i can put him as the nok.. ( *shy )...

Then they send me to take BP and weight, before I went in, the nurse said,"do you want to pass your stuffs to fiance ?" *faintz, i guess no explantion save trouble.... I feel preggy based on things they ask me to do, although i look preggy but i was on follow up check up.... My BP was abit on the high side.... 140/90 leh.....

After some thinking and some prayers, it just felt right that I go part time, and explore some thing else again..... Right in the first place, it wasnt my choice, cause he was the one they want to recruit not me, I was only the consolation prize..... But i do realise the importance of financial planning, but I hate my team seriously.. Bali's "memories" came back to me, how i was left alone after the dance, and how when my boss rushed back to have massage then to wait a little for me.. I lucky my lucky star, I make it back in one piece.. I feel so like crying....

Yesterday, after much surprise, Isaac is back....It was defintely a pleasant one.... After not actively dancing for 2 months, I went back to milonga, and my one and only dance was with Isaac.... Argh... feel so stress.. definately feel like a mid-term test... But i feel that, my standard not so good leh as compare to others... Oh well, as long as it dancing with isaac..... Nothing really matter...

We had a good supper with him, then they updated him about the past few months..... Then we came to the lover and partner topic... Interesting.....Just few hours before he talked to us, I had the sudden urge to be like Isaac, and fly to BA for few months... To travel and dance just like what Isaac did before... To clear my mind, and to dance, and i am very sure i will be skinny when i come back...lol.. free slimming programme...

we were talking about lovers and partner. what is a lover and what is a partner... a lover is passionate yet lonely... a partner life is stable but boring...... I totally agree... He say that I am a lover, and i agree...

Tree Top Walk

This morning, RTO had our organisation Health day at Tree top walk... Walking up so early is still abit ot killer, but not as bad as last time since I have to wake up so early everyday.... But to reach there at 0830hrs is like argh... lucky is a saturday so no ERP, and is FREE parking.. cheapskate, but I am a Singaporean.. Happy National Day !

Something, I learn from the trekking... they have already pre-empt that the journey will be physical. never expect it... they say is going to take like 3-4 hours.. I was like fxxk... I have tired to mentally prepare myself....

what have i go myself into ..... Is like sweating..... The uneven terrain, the 40 degree of up slope, the stairs up and down....it was really like mind over body.. 10years back, i will be like no problem.... after stepping into the working life.... irregular exercise, chilling out and lack of stamina.... make me feel old..... i am suppose to be a sportswoman..

Mun Yee , Jody , Mollie

As I was walking back way in front of the group, I finally get my own peace to appreciate God's work and to have some thinking. Life is almost like the tree top walk, there are rocky time, there are time whereby u need extra energy to go up the slope, there are time where u can relax..... No matter how tough the journey, u just got to bite the teeth and continue the journey, and just ignore what other people have to say along the way....(e.g i heard people talking about family planning... i was like ok.... my age, ya i am suppose to but things just doesnt goes ur way )

The journey of course was completed by yourself and not by other people. They can't walk for you.. In the begining of the Journey, some people start and accompany you, probably after sometimes, lack of stamina and all.. They fall back, and u just got to walk alone.. Probably as a paramedic-trained, i am used to be alone, cause nobody ever gonna give me solution....

I just walked with mollie and MY, and waited for the rest...... It was ok, guess more on dehydration.. Needed to rest since afternoon till like 2030hrs.....My weak ankle is on strike again...

The sadness in me

Why is it that when I am in my car, then I start to cry.. It is like what Joe say, I can only be myself when I am inside my car. I cry alot these few days, while driving, to work, from work or out......

I feel sad, feel lousy.. That last 2 years I had achieve nothing much.. I gain so called experience in life and in business.. True, nothing is easy...... I feel so depress, yet due to the nature of my work, i cant broadcast or tell people.. If people who catch it, they catch it, if not, not much thing i can do also..

I know i shouldnt.. I just cant help it much..... I can be lost too.... Things seem achieveble, yet i cant focus.. I hate it

Happy Weekend

Last weekend, was fantastic....... It was one of the happy weekend of the year..... I was showed with love and happiness....... I can't be bother to think of anything.. Every seconds was so precious, after being busy for few weeks .... Many night, was spend bath and KO straight...

Had dinner at Breko on Wednesday
no bad, cozy envirnoment, and food was not bad...

Had modesto at vivo on thursday for dinner..


Italian food... something that i miss since milan trip.... But when i was there, didnt had chance to enjoy it.... but now.. craving for it so much..

How could u miss the tiramisu, oh well, some people dont even know that is authetic from italy.. I miss those in italy, is so soft that it just melt in the mouth.

Had pizza @ Wala on friday

In the afternoon, went to mfm with bobo, then went to starbuck for coffee.. and is her way of making Jody's day... and she also say i put on weight.. ya man.. for the last 2 months, suddenly again. then she bought me to central to take her documents..... Miss the coding and all, the case...

went with GZ, to wala..... Not in such a mood to drink, oh well, but was hungry.. Guess what, hawallian pizza, haiz, sad memories...... haiz...

saturday dinner @ the ship, NEX

Omg.. sucks, dun try... no worth it...

sunday dinner@ the little fish, NEX

So much food, how not to be fat and happy.....


I was out at WALA last friday, instead of Haji lane, instead of playing some stupid game at some cafe..... I am not saying anything, is just the different way I chill........ Although is a bit far, but it was worth it.... I guess the hang out place on friday is WALA... lol... :-)

Can u imagine, I was out playing badminton with church people and i did not go for dancing..... lol.... need to sweat and lose some weight... It was kinda of last minute, cause they only invited me to the badminton after the service.... But It was a good work out, as well as a good fellowship.. I believe, we all need our own personal time......

Probably, in the asian context, if you are on the bigger side, you hardly have people to dance with you.... That's why i rather lose weight... For the argentians, if you are not a good dancer, they wont dance with you.. In the korean, if the guys sucks, the ladies wont dance with them.....



Oh well, i guess i am really not a morning person... I was driving to church, trying to find a parking lot.. Guess what, i mount the kern and scratch badly my left side skirt... Ouch... what else can I do...... Haiz... When you r down, murphy's law....

the crying that she dun need to hold on.

I Just fnished ah jie, and it was a good meet up... It started out from a random question, that I was curious to know if I am right about reading people. But it started from then on, I saw the tears from ah jie, and i feel like shit and oops......




Then we proceed to meet her possible future client and she was the professional, top producer self...... Her charm, her way of working, amazed me, and she has always been my idol..... I am bless cause i get to know her...


After the discussion, we went to the swimming pool, and i finally almost the details of what happen. It was like a few months, 6-9 months.... OMG.. was i the indirect cause of it ? But i am sure that i wont do it, cause it reaches my baseline.... I hate it, how could she not see... Haiz....



After much talking, finally was my turn to talk about the house. She say i might need to pay cash for the cancelling of the house. not from the downpayent. I was like fucked, why must he do this to me again and again. Want to cancel and sign, then do it fast and end it. Then he can spend his time with the gal, and i can carry on with my life..



When can't I get a reply from anything, but he can be constanly on WA....Answer... reply..
I am single yet I am binded with the contracts of the house..... He left me with no answer just like when I asked him about us then... I hate it, when I have no answer.. I couldnt plan, couldnt do anything.. yet I am left with shit...... when he simply walked out of it.... in no way, he was with me when I was down....





A man can always tell u how much they loved you, and how they wanna be with u "forever and ever"... When things happen, they turned their back against you, and make u a mess, and you suppose to smile and carry on your life as usual......... I rather know what they wanna do if things happen.. Even thou, I know threy will have no guts to tell u off straight in the face,...

Suddenly, feel like selling the car. Dun know how... He bought the car without consulting me and signed.... When shit happen, just like any normal guy.... He left without any answers, no responsibilities..... No guts.... Why is it that, I always kanna this...

Half Year Planning

Today, mark the first and longest meeting and draggy I ever attend. From 0930 to 1930 , minus the 1 1/2 hr lunch dreadful break... I felt suffocated to be seeing them for like a whole day, and even lunch was about work.. I dun know i m being sensitive or what, whatever they say is beating about the bush and directing at me.....

At 1600hrs or something like that, I was feeling giddy, restless, nothing seem to get into my ears, my brain.... My butt just could not stick to the seat... All i wanted was to hug you, and be in your arms, I missed you so much......

i didnt like the whole meeting and what it was really about, but I told myself that I need to keep a open mind... I wasted 2 years because of him, I do not want to waste my time anymore.. I waited for you days,weeks, months, and years........ I could be a more successful woman by now... I gave up to be a woman that you want me to be, and no the woman i wanted to be......

You are happy with the woman whoever she is, rubbish for you excuse..... Since you cant be bother to reply me, when u even have time to reply ppl before, after flight, even turn around or when u immediately land.... I am and was nobody to you, just some gal that pack your stuffs and send you to airport.......

I did a simple calculaion, so that I can achieve Star Club ( for awards and to be in newspaper ) for my own personal and business achievement..... I just need to close one case per week and meet one people a day for 3-4 days/weeks.... It doesnt look difficult, it certainly look easier than Isaac 15 appt/wks, of course that is x3.5, which is the MDRT also.... in 5 years time, I hope to be able to wear that jacket too..... When i did the calcuation, it i have was like, not so bad, just that i have not been doing it.... While I try to tell GZ about his climb360, and calcuation about his business, I did none for myself....... It was never about me, it was always about others..... But i know is possible..... GZ, while you make climb360 happpen, and I will make mine happen together in the journey with HIM.....

While everybody setting high goals like MDRT, which many people done it... I chose to have half play, half work... I would still love to spend time with my loved one, like mummy and Leyun.... Most of the time, nobody talks to mum nor dance with Leyun. Seeing her grow, from a baby, to siting up, crawling, standing, walking, running, learning to talk, was simply an amazing journey, even thou she is just my niece... Of course, I would love to have mine, when the Right guy is in place......


While I want to achieve to clear my car loan or even change to M3, achieve 1 ISC in 3 years times, and achieve MDRT or to have 200k to spend on a personal assest in 5 years time.... I do pray that people around me will support me in emotional and in action...

Financial Planning aint just insurance coverage... You understand it, is more than that... It is a gift of love to partners, peace of mind to depenedent, financial support for children's education... All of the above, which i never had it before....... I do hope people around it would understand and benefit.. Eventully, I might gain short term, but i dun gain from the Sum assured, In fact, i will delivering 100,000 , 200,000, 300,000 or even $1,000,000 to you or your family.......


While is a crazy week, with me falling sick and all.. GZ has been busy working....... The no. of hours he work, the point he had arrest and all, the lesser i get to see him, probably 5-15 mins was squeeze most of the day when he was on duty........ I hardly got chance to talk to him.....

;-)

Last Sunday, marked the 84th bdae of my maternal Grandfather, which we celebrate at my uncle's house. This year, all of his grandchildren are around and back, where the great grand -children are sleeping.

Grandfather is a great cook, from Hainanese chicken Rice, "Kong ba", streamboat etc, every new year is like cannot miss........ Heard him saying, he will be breathless after working a few steps... Of course lah, chronic smoker, I think he is a COPD also.... Now, the complication come... So smokers, cut down a bit lah...


I was very so tired on a Sunday, that I did not went for the dance.... I was so tired, and in the night, I felt so feverish... I felt cold, and I knew it was not because of the air-con..... A/W the crampy abdominal pain.

The next day, I went to see doctor, I had borderline fever 37.4 degree, ( but my normal temperature is 36.5, which mean i have fever ). I was given 2 days mc to rest... When i told my manage that i want to go see doctor, He ask me if I am going for the meeting at 4pm... I was like, " i see doctor for ? for fun ? take drowsy medicine again so that i can drive ?" Who is going to be responsible for me..... The last time when i had giddiness and all, I was driving around wit the drowsy medicine and working as if my mc was fake..... i THANK GOD, nothing happen to me.

Yesterday, I was given a surprise, home- made muffins and cookies, because i had fever..... So must i have fever before I can have muffins....First time, I received home made muffins...... I already ate 4..... left 2 only........

The unexpected

Just came back from PS - Dinner and catch, up with Justin Wee, Julius Eng, Johnson Siew, and Jody Qiu.. All the J-ss...It was really great catching up with you all... Justin still a physiotherapist at TTSH, going for his master soon, and be bonded for 4 years. Johnson just changed to a new job from st to jetstar asia. From "zeng" the plane, to repair the plane...... Julius is still at ST.........

Johnson shared a very interesting story with us.. It was damn fucking funny... Oh my God... Is like the highlight of the night.. Nothing beats that..

During one of the nights in April 2011, he received a call at 0230hrs

P - Where are you ?
J - at home sleeping
p - Where is your bike ?
j - downstairs
p- No, is with us...

(P is police, J is Johnson )

For a period of 6 months, his bike was used for joyride at nights without him knowing until police caught the guy at a road block when he tried to run away. He pumped his petrol full, and the guy will used until reserve just enough for him to go to petrol kiosk. It happen mostly weekend night and sometimes, the guy clock mileage about 100km. He thought it was petrol leaking, went to workshop and it was not.... Till the day the person was caught...

Justin laugh until he mention that crime watch will make a movie for him..... We even propose, u should ask the guy to pay u, and share the bill. This guy also parked his bike back to the same lot and same position for him. We say that is quite smart, instead of taking his bike for once, he used and never pump petrol, in the long run, is actually a long term savings....

Justin and ws listening to Mr Brown.

But while everything is going on. I received a msg from Justin " Toy passed away" and i was like u got to be kidding, wrong name... But i know he wont msg me for no reason. It was true. He died because of rta.... ( that's y i gave up bike after prac 5 )

The president of Harley Davidson club ( MRMC ), died in a rta.... I would not expected it from him, yet life is fragile and unexpected. I didn't like him, but i am hit hard by the news. I dun know what happen...... From some point of view, I guess to die together because of bike might be the happiest things for him. As far as i know, his mum just passed away few months back. Life can be really short..... Doctor can predict the birth of your arrival, but not your death and how ?

From a ex-paramedic view, is sad, is accident, is tragic. We indeed should treasure life. in the view of financial planning, I hope, his family is taken care of properly, financially. May God Bless upon you.

Milonguera Dancer

The Milonguera Dancer and Her Body

by Raul Cabral
"The milonguera's body is pure sensitivity. When she dances, all her senses are sharpened and channelled into her dance. She builds the structure of her body from the base, her feet. Placing her weight on her whole foot including her heels, her energy surges and she stretches her body from her waist upwards as if she were the string of a violin vibrating at the slightest touch. The milonguera is supple, but toned, soft, but with nothing loose (hips, for instance).

Her body is one, whole. She doesn't hang on her partner, weighing him down, but keeps her own balance, thus she is light. She doesn't efface herself, her presence is notable. She glues her chest to her partner's, that is all.

She is sweet through her gentleness - characterizing her femininity -moulding herself to her partner until it feels as if he were wearing her. She waits, follows, never anticipates. She comes along on his voyage, synchronizing her steps, mirroring his, never rushing. She dances close, around him, requiring little space. She neither breaks their contact nor throws her partner off balance.

Not using their embrace to stabilize herself, she keeps her body axis tilted slightly forward, even when walking backwards. Her weight is on the inside of the balls of her feet, but her whole foot, including her heels are in contact with the floor.

The milonguera knows if she separates herself from her partner, she won't get the information from his body. Therefore she is continuously tuned to the messages he emits from his chest. She feels the messages, doesn't analyze them, doesn't think about what he or she is doing.

The milonguera is pure feeling, rediscovering at every instant the magic of tango."

___________________________________________________________________

How I wish we can use this concept in the real life..... The ladies can be independent....

Learning Lesson,,,,

For the last 3 days, has been quite a learning experience.. Listen, analyse, and plan... but no action yet.......

Yesterday, was not in the best mood of socialising, of what happen in the morning. It just dampen my mood.. I rather be alone in the office enjoying the peace and quiet, while everyone is out for lunch... When they came back, I decided to lunch myself.........

I was so tired, my brain was so fried, i felt like resting but just cant fall into sleep.... Then it was so called the party time.... Since i was not in the socialise mood and i know that i need to eat before I drink to avoid gastric pain. I didn't know i can do bartender, waitress, camerawoman, drinking simultaneously.

Today, while at Robert's house at sky11, was such an wonderful experience. Show flat kind of setting, plus is the AL fresco dining and chill out area that I like. I would stay there just at the balcony for the whole day, looking out to the unblocked view... with the breeze, highly possibility of dozing off........hat irritate you.

Eating with people that click with you, even when you are not the same team, is so much so better then people in team, he same team yet irritating... simlple fact, they are just from your team, not your friends. If things happen, they just use their mouth, not actions.... I also believe, thing are done, and some are

Then came, when he asked everybody to sit at the balcony.. and it started... A visit to the house, which I though probably will end before 2200hrs, stretches....... and it feel like a powerpact or formal meeting minus the fact where is a nice place and different speaker.