Merry Christmas

I dun know how to start for the begining of this post, so much things to write, and much of it, probably disappear in that special place.. Probably, those thinking had stayed there.....

If u ever ask me before, what hobbies do i have, or what i like to do few years back... I probably tell you, "sleep, dvd" no hobbies actually... i guess that was happen was i was in the force...... Til the day, i learnt tango..... I found myself falling in love, research on their culture, the way is dance and some of the meaning... It might not be a "glamour" dance from it earliest day, but i am sure it has alot of meaning than it now........ I did not dance to know guys or hug them... I find myself loving the culture, somewhere somehow last time, but no courage to learn.

I am very sure, like what issac say, it take alot of "bad times" to learn this dance..... I think and read, is the heart breaking stories, those day were u were in each other arms, looking into each other eyes, where silence is communication............ u just felt the love, without saying " i love u " of course, after 5 years, i miss my honeymood period, now, silence mean nothing to say or purely sleeping........... dancing make me find the inner emotions......to feel it myself but is not having to sleep with some guys......

Maybe, people who dun know or have no interest about this dance, know really nothing..... I understand is difficult to see your bf/gf/wife/husband to be embrace in the arms of the opposite sex. But is a dance, or u all can learnt....... I realise i have been living for people and not myself, they complain of u naggy. When you start to live for yourself, people can't accept...

I used to learn class 2b, cause i knew he wish that his partner will ride with him.... i tried but with bad falls, and thoughts during that time. I decided, it was not worth it... Jody Jody will never do that..... I thought he could understand why i love tango, not because of the dance, but the culture, and i dun force him to learn, because he dun like it, and i know how it feel.........

Just as when you are happily to go for a Christmas lunch, things had to go wrong. I dun know if he woke up the wrong side of the bed or i went dancing til late. Everyting that he say this afternoon, was alll against me ! It was my fault to learn dancing, it was my fault to go KL ( which i am ok to do, not desire ), my fault to take a break to open my eyes........

I ask Him, have you ever read "rich dad, poor dad", when the young boys wanted to be rich, but rich dad told them they have to work for free first. But they didn't understand it.. Rich dad told them to go with a open mind but just told whatever people told you........ You will learn.... They did found something they will make they rich, but illegal - consolations - the idea was close.

During these 2 months of not working, trying to find myself, who am I, or what do i like ? I did sacrifice, yes by not working, is was not enjoyment, it was a journey to find who am I, and what am I ? Some people didn't even know their true self or what they are for the rest of their life.... I merely just wanted to solve a very complex question of myself.... You think expert can solve some virus or bad economy in a seconds.... It might take years.................... I think i was lucky, i learn and i talk, and i had to accept an listen negative remarks about myself and accept it and plan to change.....

When i embark the journey of taking financial paper, I tried my best, but taking paper, doing it, can't complete within 1 month, it might take 2 or 3 months... What can i do ? And for what reason, i had to go KL, to sleep and have coffee, and to spend your money ? I had enough, i dun need you to buy me ring ( which people thought u have ). I did it myself with pride. I was ACCUSED of only learning and liking Tango ONLY. I felt saddness, my tears went down my cheecks... U didnt even know how it feel to live of people..... I hate it !

I decided not to go for his family xmas gathering lunch, that i know i will not enjoy....When i was crying, he did not say anything at all..... ( I think ) he feel that i was just being emo, crying and i shouldn't be feeling that at all... I told him i will pick him up later, he storm off and did not say anything.. It was all ABOUT him....... nothing about me........... He told them, i had things to do, i am not staying... Be a man, tell the truth, whatever truth, u beating, u forcing me to do something i never had a choice.... When i saw the sister walking out, i felt disgusted, i remember the message, always...............

I cried badly, and i raf the car down the slope, sobbing badly to the place where I will feel serene.... I kept on crying non stop til i reach the place. I reached, off the engine, had a very very long and sad cry.... I just wanted to lie on a shoulder......... of course, there was no people other than me. Even if he is beside me, he wont even care......

I cried myself silly on a Christmas Day, which i totally enjoy the xmas eve.... I dun mind not having gifts, not spending with loved one, not having turkey.... I really mind crying alone in one corner of singapore...... i kept on thinking of what june wrote to me.... is a tough choice, these 2 weeks remain critical of my choice ahead..... I dun know how to explain u, what is what.. it will be negative comments.......... I wanted to leave the thinking til KL. It seem that i got base answer.

No matter what happen, I decided not to rely on you from next year........ I will be myself, doing what will make me happy and not u happy....... I dun need wild, crazy love, the way i like when i was younger. I love it simple love, small little things. I think, "Dun love a man, understand them. Dun understand woman, love them ! " Hypothesis : A woman dun mind doing anything for the man he love, even when she know he dun loved her.

Maybe, you need to give up whatever important things you think it is, car, bags, friends, love, to truly achieve or get something more than that. I was actually at the place for 2 hours, alone... crying most of the time......

I am glad that i have friends around me during 2 months....... You all make me realise what i am, and what it make me....... Jody will raise up to expectations, and overcome. It not easy next year, is going to be tough, tough and maybe alone.......

Merry Xmas, i can't remember what else to write, i am tired, my eyes are swollen, and after i cry, is very tiring for me. especially when u have limited rest. I wonde how is feel to have a good xmas celebration.with the person u love.... 3 years not spending xmas together, finally when u r in sin, i am not involve.

I still need to upload pictures ( to be continue )

Alll for Christmas!

So many thing to pen down and to share..... just didnt have time to write.... I didn't even have a chance to start to shar the melecca road trip....... Let me try my very best to write down everything that i remember.....

23122010

So since the melecca trip, i have been sleeping and sleeping unless i had to sign and prepare documents. Just as when you thought u could have a quick rest, and nobody going to call you. Your soon-going-to fly friend sms me, to meet him for lunch at 1530hrs ! So i went for orchard, to the airport, brush the kerb of t2 arrival pick up, went back home, and back to meet fehrin. As Mr Fehrin, a "yours truly" EAST side resident, needs to change money for his first solo and lunch. We decided to go for lunch at Parkway. Since, my leg was pain, of course, he will be picking me up.... hahaha.....



Being a forgetful person, he withdrawn money for the food and not for his trip..... When his LSS for the flight arrange to go desert tour with them.... Anyway, we decided not to have fast food, and i decided to have Iciban........ Great lunch, still talking about Good old times, Changi FS. Half way thru, he received a sms from his batchmates ( tat he felt was cute )...... And then 'he didnt understand the msg, and then he shown me the sms and see if i would understand.. ( me, my english sucks too !) or maybe that's why i understood the msg...



He say i was like cabin crew, like chief stewardness.... I told him ya, i 6-series one ( mean senior crew )..... Ok lah, i am lifestyle train, not school train... I am like your fake Goods........ So i read the sms, and i told him, the gal was asking about the taxi service, and i explain to him too. So sms here and there.... of course, somethings i can explain, but i can't provide u with the transport Numbers ! Maybe that's why i was never a cabin crew, but a paramedic.... I lead my people and solve the problem. not give problem..... Anyway, he has a new nickname from me called the "cabin guru of class xx/10" since, " if there is fehrin, there is no problem"



Knowing him for like 5 years now, he will makan and go back home... But no, murphy's law....... When u plan eat and go for last class of Tango by isaac..... Suddenly, this guy can walk around..... And i sort of regret not listening to him, and went for my Tango class... Of course, nothing much can stop me for Tango's class......



As i was late, i decided to give Jolene a ring, to give her a lift for the class if she had finish her company dinner...... i was trying my luck, and yippie, she just finish too...... So when we reach the class about half an hour late, i saw this old uncle, those that can be ur father.... The first impression, uncle with "hidden agenda"...... I thought i was just being sensitive, and i was there for dance not to know guys... So we were trying to learn this "pivot" dance, and i had no chance but to partner with this uncle...... Sometimes, i dun know whether is a good thing to be bless "busty".... The dress that day make me look busty.... And when i was trying to practice... I didn't even wanna look at him, but you just got the feeling his eyes was looking somewhere...... And when he hold me, was like FUCK FUCK FUCK.... i can't feel his support, and it feel as it he was pushing me, so that i will lean behind.... I was anxiously waiting for Isaac, to change partner.. but no....... i was stuck that so long, feeling so uneasy........... Thank God, it was open practice and not embrace.. If not, i would just say, my leg hurt and i need to rest.......



Whatever happen, it doesn't kill me.... It make me a better partner when u found the right partner.... As i was dancing with wei tang and isaac, it feel so good....... ( of course lah, not working, a bit more fancy ) To walk, to do double beat, "box" step, pivot whatever in 4 classes..... I have never learn dancing, except for a few aerobic class..... but what make argentina special is the connection between 2 people.......



After the class, I went over to Amoy street to join damean/diract people for their xmas party, as a invitation from June.. Yes, I have not been on the field or in the office, but my name still exist, whether u like it anot......Anyway, it was from June - someone who saw alot of potential in me.



I have to say, seeing some people that i dun like, irritated me alot... But at the same time, it felt good when u know, there are a group of people who sincere happy to see you.... I know how it feel like out in the field, so i decided to let them have the food first..... It is christmas, not hungry ghost.. and i am not going to wipe your food...... As my gracious and courtesy, all i saw was empty trays......... Oh well, i dun really care about food also.....



So then there was bell gongs, and everybody had a chance to go, including me - under the NEW people ???? why ? there was the "woo-gi-woo-gi", it was fun, and i miss it......the game, where u had to pass the newspaper around, when the music stop, the person had to unwrap and see what is the instruction, some are out to target people, like AM or owners, some are just gift... When it stop just right beside me, it was June ! She has the " pass to the next person to unwrap! " She just grab my hand, and i had the " turn to the person on your right and give a 30s lap dance" fuck ! it was desmond - a person who like my jokes but scare of me.... Given his dragon boat body, but his shyness and resistance and withdrawal to me, the lapdance looks funny....



And as the time goes by, i was so sleep, yet i had give face to stay for the gift exchange which i was not involve........ 3am, it was the maximum, i could take it.... And so i went back, not seeing what they prepare for June...... I bet it something special to JUNE.



Then i went on to East coast, thinking of picking Justin, ended up siting and eating til 5am. They say i look like shit, my face was as white as the sheet.... How would i know, i can't see ! I was worn out i guess !



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24122010



I slept at 0600hrs from the draggy and unplanned celebrations...... Set my clock at 1030hrs to meet my friend... Unfortunately, i was woken at 0930hrs, so that we can meet earlier in orchard, and since i need to sign one more document in town.... ( they forgot)... I hate to drive to orchard during xmas season..... Is traffic jam, and u can hardly find a parking lot.......and it will be more jams............ and he was late............ argh......



then i went on to vivo to see somethings, since orchard are packed and u could hardly find ur stuffs.... When i exit of the carpark, my God ! The was no peanut butter, the JAM start right there with the heavy downpours...... I check iphone, to realise that there was an accident at ecp at keppel...... i went for keppel road, and i dun think it really help....... damn, there it goes, accident down the expressway..... I believe i have enough of accident, and i hate jams with manual car............expecially when u r tired with just 3 hours of rest..........



When i reach home, i lie on my bed, i just can't fall asleep, i had butterflies around me which i can't explain.......... Finally, the times has arrive, the xmas Milogna.............. studio UP was jammed pack ! Being a person who loved memories, how can i forget my camera...... So lot of taking photo, til isaac say, "stop taking photos, go n dance" - but u know, nobody wanna dance with me.... not even my classmates, ( fehrin, i really know how it feel, not just from the force, my classmates are irritating, even for 4 lessons )........... how u mange to deal with them for 3 months straight ! I know, you such a big FLIRT !

At milogn, a guy suppose to look u in the eye to invite you to the dance... But in Singapore, the guys will ask verbally..... But DO YOU KNOW, i have to ask them to go dance ( with me ) and they say, "later" "i need a drink".......... I was there to dance, not taking photo or siting outside... And i hate it when people dun respect.... There we there for dancing, and there you all go for your other ballroom dance... People.. come on, give some respect, there will be chance....... but look at situation.... You dun go to a halal f&b to order eat pork chop.....

Jody and Jolene - the batchmates, classmates and attachment/tango kakis

I manage to dance, finally....... But dancing with other people, make me so tense.... Not used to their impulse, and i just dance 4 class ( in fact, 3 only ).... how to be like others...... and there was so many people around.......but it was really a good chance to learn.... To be as good as them one day, you need to make as many mistake, built your foundation as solid, so that one day you will be as good as them.....

One of my tango classmates, he was looking at me and i told him, "you dun any how look at milogna, later i pull u go dancing ( of course, i know he didnt want ) and he look at me innocently... Then it happen again..... careful of the eyes... and there were eyes will tell u in a spit seconds, "you are new/your are not hot, not going to invite you " But there are people who give chance to new people

Our tango class with Isaac and Su Lynn

While other people are dancing, we had some private extra lessons outside with su lynn... the walking.. my backwards are ok, not forward...... so i make a joke, and say we should go paragon and walk, i am sure we can walk straight and graceful....... With your favourite bag in your sight, you sure do a good pivot....... The guys should just have a LV bag covering their face...... Tat should do a good embrace and good walk....

I need to polish my forward walk and my turning............ By yesterday, isaac say i "suddenly improve" hahah... of course, u r not just my instructor but a very good partner that can lead... ahahahaha......

With the clock ticking to 330hrs, we deicided to head back since jolene need to wake up early tomorrow for song's lunch..... With the last dance and all, it ended at 0400hrs... My feets, i could barley feel them, much worse with a manual car, and a sleepy body...

I had to soak my legs in hot water and sleep at 0600hrs again................

Sprain Left leg

My left leg hurts, i think i sprain it last sat.. But i can't remember how, it just felt pain after i wake up...... And then stubborn me, still went for dancing and all..... Then when it was Tuesday, it worsen, can bear to much weigh on the left leg..... Argh..... I need to go dancing tmr ! is the last class....

My left leg - the problematic leg, also injured or i am too heavy..... I remember the last time when it was very bad, i was at Plaza Sing with my ex.... Wearing short heels, walking towards the car, and then i sprain it.... At first, it was nothing.... we went back home, as the next day, both of us need to work, one 24hrs shift and me day shift.........

While i was sleeping, i was woken up by the pain...... I tried to make my way to the toilet, my God ! It was just a 20m distance, but it feel as it, i will never make it there...... It was so painful, it feel as if there was a monster pulling my left leg and i can't move... When i tried to make it back to my room, i almost cry, cause it was so painful......... I just feel like picking up the phone and call my ex, but it was 0430hrs, and he need to work 24hrs shift the next day...

Being a very nice gf then, i decided to wake him up at 0600hrs, just half an hour earlier before he prepare for work... There i go, lying on my bed, trying to elevate my left leg and hoping, miracle will happen, and my leg will be heal in minutes. Fat hope ! It was the longest 1 1/2 hours that i had to wait... Finally, it was 0600hrss, and i finally can pick up my hp to call him, and voila, with his sleepy voice.... And i apologise, and told him that i need to make a trip down to my house to send me to hospital, cause i dun think i can drive ( i forgot who has vios that night ) ...

He picked me from my house, and i slowly make my way to the carpark. I remember I called Chua Y H ( my roster IC ) like 0700hrs, to tell him i am making my way to H5, and better let the standby person have some preparations, if i can't come back to work....

He had to report for work before 0800hrs, but because he was with me at the hospital, he called them and told them that he will be late... So embarrassing, like the whole station know i had to go hospital. And so, i reported sick for the day.

Anyway, today is your Graduation day. No more batchmates syndrome... Happy flying from now on.. remember, you always have friends around u..........

Yesterday, happened to bump into Roy, a secondary school friend from damai.... Happen to talk and say Hi.... While talking about some teachers, car and love stuffs, realise that some people are just there for you for the short burst of flame cum fire... Some are like meant for long term....

For example, girls are normally like oven, take time to warm up, but guys are like microwave, fast to heat up and fast to cool down and is harmful.........

Those was the times..happy or sad........If my left leg hurts now, who can i called ? Dear Dear at India now.....

Resistance to men.....

During my previous post, i almost slept while typing it, i was really really very tired.... wake up after 12 hours of sleep but still tired..... Then went on for my practical tango class.... it is boring without friends, jolene when r u coming back from cruise ?

They dance so well.......... amazing.. when is it going to be my turn ?

After missing my class on thursday, i feel like shit, i can't dance properly....... i miss the "rock" step and all.... plus yesterday, got the pivot step. that i am not good.. dun know why, was it tired or not feeling well..... So when u pivot, u free leg will be like caressing the floor..... gentle and elegance...I want to learn to dance tango properly. Yesterday, i dun really have the connection..... This couple was dancing so good, despite their age...

Yesterday, i finally learn more about resistance..... When a man lead you, you resist the same amount that he give you and repel back, until you can't resist, then u move off......is just that, i constantly worry about 'blocking" the guy from moving off that y i am always faster... If you can apply to the same thing as real life, resist the guy, and take everything slowly... Just like when the guy invite you for the dance, you then slowly walk into his arms..... lovely, not too fast, not desperado. I feel my walking, still sucks.... not exercising these few weeks, make my tummy even fatter... and i can't feel it when sucking my tummy....

After 10 years, I finally mange to meet up with my friend...... 10 years ! since poly.. Consider lost touch, friendster was not active, and i can't find him through facebook too.... I knew him, when i was a councillor and attending leadership course in NACLI.... Our friendship start from there, took french class together in poly... i stopped at Mod 3, he continue.. I didn't even know he won award.......

He look so different now, speak differently... Was i too naive or we do change over time..... It was really a nice chat and catching up....Thanks for the dinner, and " tonight gonna be a good night"- meant for me ? hahahah..... We went to jewel box, really a nice place... it was so breezy.... so suitable for drinking.. unfortunatly, i can't really drive yesterday. i slip it slowly.. Even clememt was so surprise...... Our Desert - Tiramisu

Then went to maxwell, cause clement was super high, and i told him the darkest secret i have with me...... Something that nobody knew, dun know whay i tell him.. but whatever.......

i am still very tired, nausea and going to be hungry later.... i feel like going to the beach, lie on the sands under the sun....... with nice feelings.....

Round about !

Have you experience the following, when you try to find your stuffs, you always can't find it ! Then one day, when you are not looking for it, it will pop out from somewhere..... and then, "there you are!"

Yes, I am not working hard for the past 2-3 months. it was more about sleeping, socialise, trying to see what i would want to do, and is best for me... After trying to find some job, with no much result...... I went on to take some financial paper, just in case.. After passing the 2 papers, and thinking of the path. This morning, i received a phone call from June, to ask me if i am going back, how have i been doing.. She give me a choice to remain at charity or to new product at singtel residential....... i know she saw alot of potential in me, which i think i have, but have not develop them into something useful to my own advantage in work only in personal life... She knew i got no problem in building team or leadership... and i guess my one and only disadvantages was "laziness", the one that kill me big time.........Argh... I really learn alot of thing from her and the company.... but the timing, the timing sucks ! i cant mix with my friends, only office people. Then she ask me if i want to find a new place for her for new office.

And then, i also receive few referrals for property, rental and selling.... Praise God, that why i was never worried....... I just put my trust in Him... Cause only he knew what is best for me... ( ya, i know i dun look religious, but is my belief ) The best thing that happen the last few months or weeks.. I find something that i really enjoy, dancing tango, naggy as it is, but yes, if i could, i wish it became my hobby.....

After driving almost 300km back from melecca, i change and bath, then went for the milogna at 0045hrs. Yes, lesser people, and i got 2 dance.... and i was so scare, cause i miss my thursday class ( away to melacca) and i didnt warm up. But lucky, isaac and jerry were there to guide me, and they constantly ask me to relax... Thank You... Although, i didn't know the step or what, but when u do the close embrace, close your eyes, feel the chest and chest connecttion, somehow or rather, you will move to somewhere... Is like, ok , woh, i move so far away....... and i how did i manage to dance....... The amazing things about tango, beautiful connection about 2 people.

I really wonder if what isaac say is true, if i will be one of the hot girl in BA, where they prefer girls with curve and big boobs, like real woman and not skinny girls ( singapore guys love them ).. I wish one day, i could go to BA, to dance like for weeks or months.... I wanted to go for a long time, but never have the courage....

After the milogna, i went on to meet the ex-22 people for a's bachelor party..... yes, i am the only girl, but i dun think they treated me as one..... and the bet, to see who will go down first... Of course, not me.. When i reach there, i just pick up fehrin's flute, to finish all the champagne in one shot and the rest infront of me.... When i arrive, the champagne is half, shortly after i arrive, it was gone within minute.. I wonder why..... And then of course, what is party without alcohol, so we order the 1.5litres..... Maybe really, the way i drink was scary, of course, my job is to accomplish task... make sure "a" drink..... of course, how to reject woman.....So maybe it really fast, one glass by one glass..... no chance given.... He was gone, and i didnt know they went back home...

I was so tired, i remember i sat outside with my head on the table and sudden urge to puke , (a bit only, really a bit ) argh..... then i went back to sleep.... i didn't even know why i had miss calls from fehrin, according to him, i was mia ( really ).... then i went back to my car and slept til i was ok to go back home...... It was already bright and sunny... Argh....... It was really fun, i wonder who is the next one, just got to make sure i was not tired or have eaten, so i won't puke.... is always like that, but no matter what, i will take care of myself........

I saw someone dancing like dirty dancing inside movida, i wonder is it salsa or what, definately not tango... they were almost humping each other and all..... it was not sexy, it was sexual.... hate it.....

I got 2 weeks to think what i want to do, to do clearance or what.... Hope i can get a good answer, and cheers to referrals...... Things were not smooth, but i hope it got better from now on... We need to experience the bad, before what is good..... off to my tango soon, but my left leg felt a bit sprain.... argh.... but i will still go... i just don't want to miss my tango class......

December 2010, enrichment month

After my "hardwork", i finally cleared my 2 papers.... They say everybody have different way of studying, some at aiport, noisy mcdonalds, schools, void deck.......For me, I just find hard to believe the way i study. I watched TV programme, study 2 chapters, and sleep one hour then 2 chaps and sleep...Especially the day before the test, I must sleep..... I club and i dance and i can pass. According to the SQ theory, for example, if person "a " want to apply for cabin crew, then ask person "b" to accompany her.... Guess who will get in ? Most of the time, person "b".................... Those who are not die hard to get in, will be the one that is disappointed...

Just like for me, i took the exams for enriching my own knowledge.. at least now, i know what policy i have... I was so blur, that i dun even know who policy i own.. Last year, i bought a policy, more for supporting friend........ i only knew what i bought, last week...

Everytime, when i feel stress, i close my eyes, take a deep breath and think of dancing. Is weird but Tango, really give me a very nice feeling.... keep me cool, and elegance.... i like it.... Maybe, others think that i am trying to impress others, but i don't.. I am not that pretty nor slim, dancing is something what i want to learn for long time, just no time, no partner....


Few days back, i receive a sms from my this friend, asking me out for drinks ?

Guess what is my answer ? No answers, as suppose to be, "ok, let's go "

Until today, he have not confirm me as a friend is fb leh ! ( i am just ???? )
In this case is unique, what i interpret is : sex tonight ? I thinking everyday, he just MASS sms certain girls, and see who reply first... There was once he kept on sms me, asking me to go out. There are times, i replied 1 or 2 hours laters but no further reply from him, til 3 or 4 months down the road. For example, i think, maybe every sun, he mass sms girls with alphabet starting with A-B, then next C-D........

Actually, things happen long time ago.. Is embarrassing, but you don't need to prove anything. I am not interested in you also.... Dun worry, nothing happen also. But for normal drinks, I welcome that.

I am open to sex discussion with friends, as long as they invade my own bottom line. Discussing it, doesnt represent that i sleep around. I might sound slutty or flirt, but is all harmless....... Til today, i never have an ONS..... NEVER ! Even for 81, was because, i went there to attend case before. Geylang, i worked there also for few months ! Cause i was stationed at geylang east, half of my cases are Geylang... But i feel uncomfortable, looking those prostitutes.... Normally, i would change seats with my medics.. They have a better view, and i can hide behind.....

Going for road trip in 4 hours time, so cool with friends... I need to know how fast my car can go..... Hooray !

Have a safe trip back !

Shock moments

My Brain cells are dying.... I only manage to complete half of my mock test, and is from 2pm to 730pm... It was plan til 4pm, look like i need to go back tomorrow to finish it... Because my test is Wednesday afternoon.... I was tired, hungry, and stoning.... So i decided to fb ppl for coffee, but nobody reply.... Guess i am not that attractive.

Then, it strike my mind that my ex-medic was doing his test at suntec... maybe, so i just sms him... haha.... yeah... so i met him up for dinner.... From 313, we decided to walk down, since i am stoning, and need some branded bag smell to make me wake up..... hahah...... but i didn't have chance to also. It was nice to catch up with friends.

Of course, now is the Christmas season, when the orchard road is decorated... Where got mood to see.. stoning liao.......I wonder how did i manage to study degree ( in orchard ) and work as a paramedic last time.

Yesterday, went for my tango's practical... Some of my classmates were there also. Before the class, there were other people dancing, they were in their 30s or even 50s.... One even wore short shorts, then u can see her butt's cheek from far.... ( Yes guy, stop drooling, just come to tango class ) Their dance was so beautiful, turning and doing the leg hook ( dun know what is call yet )

As for me, is going to be basic like posture ( stomach in, chest out with happy butt ), walking with weight shift, from the force from the ground like push forward even when u walking backwards. And the embrace- hugging the guy. Of course, i am still being step on, cause i still can't feel exactly the impulse. But, when u close ur eyes, think of the connection ( dun think the guy ugly or short ) feel the music, and dance, you can move around and wont get step. And i was being taught some simple turning, so interesting.

Next, is the milogna. The social dance, but i am so new. So our class agree to go for next fri's milogna. Argh... and i will miss this thursday's class.

On my way back home for maxwell, there was rta at ecp near marine vista exit. i thought is quite ok, so i just went ahead, i didnt know it was so fresh, i saw LTA, A115 ( so far ), EMAS, and TP in that order..... I miss going for call, or inside the alpha..... Can i just go for one call ? hahah....

I miss Changi, i miss my medics, and listening to music in station.

Last Saturday, after i remove my "gorgeous" make up, bath and lie on the bed. My ex-colleague then fb msg me to go out ! Argh..The last time i talk to him , was at one corner near to ccfp, and he was heart broken. Now, he is getting married. We went to pump room at 2am, the band was great, but my make up was bad......(below, is when i reach home after the wedding, they say look sluty, really?)

Of course, Jody would find out things that she wants to know, or people are just willing enough to share information with her. When i heard something, i was like shocked inside my heart ! ( Of course, you won't see my shocked face, unless i fake it )

I knew things that i didn't know before and during , and i was disappointed, not by a, but by someone else. I didn't mind ( or maybe i did ) the fact that I knew nothing about him. I thought we started the trend, but he started with c, long time ago before he knew me. No wonder, i always feel c hated me so much, i seldom talk to her, and she always give me the "dia" ( stare) look, but to my medics, she can talk and flirt..... Now, i totally understand.....

I feel like a replacement product, it seem that they are interested in her,

then come to me. So, i am a counterfeits grade A is it ? Hate the feeling !

Remember, when you were young, there was no Tampines Mall or Ben & Jerry. Your parents buy you ice-cream from the uncle using the ice-cream bells and the big huge metal box. I ate it, not because it was nice but it give me the feeling of being a child.sSomeone that love you, i can't remember when is the last time, a guy feed u ice-cream... So romantic, so honeymood period.... Probably, they prefer to feed u with their warm "ice-cream" now " *roll eyes*

The moments

I can't help by wondering, to be able to dance argentina tango, i guess u need to have alot of feeling such as love? Is love a really wonderful thing to happen ? Many time, we were hurt badly because of love ( or is just jealous or ego that we can't let go ). Of course, even for myself... Yes..... Just for the record, i am not a play girl... I never had ONS before.. ya.. never... I am sorry guys, i can't help you all to fulfill your fantasy, be in the office, car or what....... I know is unbelievable, but is true...... i am such a social butterfly, not escort......

To be love, and to lie beside the guy u loved or like, is truly the most amazing thing...The world seem to stop even thou the moment might last just for few minute...... The earth seem to stop turning......Unspoken language, but holding his hands, receiving a kiss on the forehead or even if is just to hear his breathing, to see the rise and fall of the chest..... If like tango, for the embrace.. you closed your eyes, feel where u partner will lead u, is not fixed , yet you know....

The feeling of crazy over each other, and can't get enough of each other... You just can't keep your eyes and hands off each other... You wanna be in each other's arm whenever and wherever... Is crazy i know.... but is the happiness that bring the smile and laughter to each other. For example, you lie on his arms on the bed nakely together, reading a book or doing things together, or not doing anyting...... is so sweet... ( dream on ).... Just 2 person, without tv or iphone... just 2 person would be enough.....


I told myself, i must practice my make up at least once a week. If i dun wear to the wedding, then to where... So i try my best to practice the smoky eye, so that my eyes look bigger. it looks ok... but need to practice more...

Some say that i should go back to the old plain "jane" without make up.. some say just light one will do... What do u all think ?

I wore this bare back top and a "jacket" that azhar bought for me few years back when he was in Indonesia. Do i look "nyona"?


Today, was a special day for Norifah and her partner. It has been a long time since we meet up, and it was nice of her to invit me to her wedding, really appreciate... Wish you have a blissful wedding !



It was nice, to meet up some old classmates of mine.... OMG, Hui bian aka stacy has twin that is 3 years old... Oh my God, what am i doing ? Maybe, this is better... to go holiday... to do whatever i want.. like dancing or running....

Ricky - still a paramedic @ force, i left the force, and semi-retire ( i wish ), hui bian has her own business i think, azhar, going to be in nie, melissa, an auditor. We left damai seconday school in 1999.... that is 11 years ago......

As the music started for the couple to march in, i just feel so touched... I can feel their happiness and love story... Then what about mine ? I been dreaming about it, and i don't think it will happen any time soon.....I am bless with friends that are around or some who mia, or flying or whatever... but u all are still my friends that i cherish.......

The love for dance....

I miss writing my blog.

I miss reading people blog.

As I was reading issac's blog tonight, i just want to pen my my memories and events happening that might fade away one day. Of course, i have been writing, in private, for my own eyes only... ( too many secrets ) I might follow the bitchy jody style or is might another style.

I find myself falling in love with Argentina Tango. Giving me good posture, feeling more confident, and dancing in the music, that i never expect that I would fall in love and listening to it right now, more than hip hop and radio.

People might not understand, is not to impress anyone. I haven been wanting to learn dance for very long time. Unfortunately, back in the force, where timing was challenging and no partner to go with.... I just the idea hanging...

Til the day, when jolene mention to me about learning new language, like thai, koren or spanish... then i suggest german... and then she mention about argentina tango... my eyes were wide open... i just say, " let's go" i dun need to try, i will go....

since about 4 weeks ago, i been doing my research about argentina tango.. Youtube, wiki and everyting.... til late in the night, just like now..... Is crazy i know, but i am seldom so crazy unless i am in love with it..... i need to keep my mind off.... yes, i might a bit old to start, but is always me to learn something.. that's why guys fall in love with my intelligence and not my body ( definately, not NOW )

After the 2nd session of class. i am still crazy in love with it..... and of course, the searching of the good partner carry on.... with the guys to step on my toes.... It exist, not only in movie, i have to admit, when you are not connected, you will be in step..... and of course, there are long way to go...

As i was thinking of what to name the blog and all.... i do have a few inspiration from different people... i combine it, and make it my own... hahah.... of course, i can't guarante that it will be as interesting as the old one... but this is something that is for my memories...

Just for the info :
Cabeceo- the Form of eye contact, asking and agreeing
in milonga ( social dance).

So for me, somethings need not to be express out, just like in tango... You need to feel it and to be lead. Since , i have the talent of looking at the photo, and paint individual into a thousand words into character, personality, bitchness and all.... or maybe is just me, i wont know yet.

I am excited to go for the practical class on Sunday, althought i have test coming on Wed.. But is Tango, how could i turn it down. People can turn me down for other things and people, i dun think i would turn tango down.