In the blink of eyes...

Just when i thought i could be love by the right man in the right way. Just when I felt so blissful, drama starts to happen, I  am not sure whether is has something to do with me being single for a long time than i am scare. Then i start to mess up ? Or did it happen to fast that is going to end quickly.

I am pretty sure i fell for him for him. The man who supported in things that i wish to do, don't  questions things i do or .The one that brought me for a quick slow walk and a slow dance by the beach. The one who pleases me and try to put my needs first.

Being in Long Distance has it pros and cons, we have space for each other. But just like this time, i miss him terribly yet i cant get him. So me, triggered by pms and throwing a tantrum is wrong. Then can he also just move on like nothing has happen just like he expect that i forget my bdae evening incident. The person you love has the most power to hurt you.

I have fear going to DC, cause there is alot of sad memories that trigger my emotions and people I wanna avoid despite I wasnt even the one that caused it.

Whatever i done so far is also not important to what happen. I will fight for you for you but is you who didnt want anymore. You gave us up on the slightest drama. So no dignity from you and respect in this secret relationship.

What can i do now, other than sobbing ? Escaping dance when it gave me the most comforts ?

Unexpected Email

I been busy especially at work, love to blog about my travel to Australia, Europe and Philippines (3 trips this years in 4 months ) but i barely have time to do my personal stuffs.

I am contemplating where should i go for my 2 weeks trip ? To volunteer in Chiang Mai or to travel to somewhere.
 
With reference to my post on 2 July 2016,  18 months have passed and is just6 more months.I receive a email " Baby,how are you" from him on 31 May 2017. To cut the story short, I have implicit to ask him to f spider.

If you dont know how to contact me the last 18months, dont tell me you will just because you are coming home. I am not your spare tyre.
Anyway, Thank You for teaching me that I should care and love myself and continue to do thing i really love to do during these 2 years.

Merry Christmas !

It has been almost 4 months since I update this blog.... I realized that i only managed to update my blog till Day 3 in Australia, and i just came back from a 18 days trip in Europe in Sept/Oct. I will try to post my experiences over here if anybody is seeing. haha

And of coz, more and more accounts are given to me, work hasn't been too easy for me especially with the new migration to the new system. I need to learn a new system again.. for the 3rd time in the last 28months..... Other than Estee, Jasmine left the company too :-( So no more kakis.... no more topic on gym classes...

And yes, after almost 3.5 months of hiatus from the closure of California gym, I am with studio 360 and TF. But is never the same again, my routine are pretty mess up, thats pretty much explain the stagnant weights and more fats percentage.

Good news is the gym in 3-5 mins walk away from office.. Bad news, the timing are odd and you need to do a booking for the class. I also made new friends from the old gym as we migrated to new gym. Without the closure, I am pretty sure i will still be very low profile...
 
We have dim sum, lots of them.... see below pic.... and dessert.......

 From Crystal Jade at Holland V....

                                                   To Red house at Prinsep.....

So, is Xmas eve but I am actually home alone as i have no idea where should I go alone. I been working out hard last few days from the frustrating things that happen at work.

Day 365/720.... It has been a year.... It flashed just in a few blink... It been upsetting that whatever you said doesn't match  your action... But is ok, I get it- you never loved it... 

Queensland Day 3 - To Great Barrieri Reef

 Day 3 - 23052016

I didn't want to drive alone hence I have signed up for the 3 days Southern Great Barrier Reef tour by viator which is run by Australia Sunset Safari.

We had to meet at 7.15am at the Transit center, which is also a main factor why I chose my apartment 3min away from this location.

After maybe around 2 hours of road trip, we reach the Matilda's rest stop.

And another 2 hours, we have reach a private owned zoo for a quick stop over and i did have a quick nap ( that's the best when you dont need to drive!)

Taking photo with Koloa was not withing my planning and expectations, it was a bonus !

                                                                My lunch !

                                    Feeding Kangaroo was one of the unexpected best experience !

                          Ice cream before we hit the road... My opinion not worth buying !

                       After 4 hours of coach ride, we are finally near to great barrier reef !

    We had a trial for snorkeling before we head off to Great Barrier Reef the next day !

                               
                                       What an amazing encounters with the fishes !

                                        BTW, the water was really cod for me !

                         This is our Eco resort at Kelly's resort. Simple and cozy.

While waiting for the BBQ's dinner, we have opportunity to star grazing using the giantic telescope binoculars. I managed to view Mars, Jupiter and Saturn and the moon !

Ending the night early,,, and sleeping at 9.30pm Queensland Timing.. 7.30pm in Singapore... hahha

SPIN SPIN SPIN....

I cant believe certain things did happen after you tried and tried.

So last Friday, finally came my opportunity where i could have the chance to spin together with you.

Before I knew you, I wish i could have a future partner who do sports and probably goes to the same gym as me. You might not even know that I am attracted to you before I even met you in Cali Spin class. I admit your intelligence and character is very sexy to me. Somehow, you seem a good fit for what I would want in a guy and you even have a life of your own ! Fabulous !

So the plan was to get up really early to head out to Great World to spin and then to have breakfast with you. OMG ! So excited until i cannot sleep ! Spinning with you was great, motivating for me despite that i have been spinning for last few days ! This is the view to keep me going and to follow your pace...

This is what spinning will do to you ! You will never have dry clothes... not even dry undergarments ! It was a good spin thou !

Of coz, is like finally having a decent meal with you.... That i was able to have real conversation with you... Knowing about your work and a little bit of your life ! It was a urgent leave well taken ( despite that i don't leave to recover from holidays !)

Gut feelings said it should be status quo and i shouldn't confess my liking for you.


I was happy that we get to spin again on Saturday afternoon ! The recent Tue and this coming Friday ( My last day of trial with TF ! ) .... Is really great to have friend to workout/spin together...  I have to say you are really damn fit !


I just wish that moving forward, i still have the chance to spin together with you... I understand that you might not like changes... so i shall endure and hold on about my confession !

Quick update

Been really busy or tired lately.... so here's the quick update of my life :

Workload has increased tremendously, haven got a chance to clear them..... Just when you thought you will get a breather, another colleague of yours are leaving.... Unlike the previous account, this one is so messy that until now, after almost 8 months, things have not settled down.

Ever since Cali closed down, I am on a one month trial with TF... Been spinning lately instead of going to BC and BP...  Seem them, everything over them seem to suit me now, as i go for classes, yoga and spin....

As usual, nothing is going on with my love life... Even thou, I might be interested in other people... There are parts that I am confused, yet i dont have the courage to ask him... We text each other almost on a daily basis, I was on the moon when he texted me before boarding his flight to Japan... I was on clouds when he texted me when he landed in Japan and on and off during his trip... But what does that mean ? I tried my very best to ask him out... but apparently it didnt work out.. Some said he is gay, some said he is married.... I said he is damn busy... But still, I am quite attracted to him but not crazy....

I am planning for my trip to Europe next month, but I have been quite busy that other than Sat morning, i don't have much spare time to look through the details.. fortunately, as of yesterday, the accommodation and the major transportation..

Po Po passed away very peacefully last last Wednesday, I was glad that the company has 4 days of compassionate leave... It was kinda of heartbreaking to see your mum crying over her late mum...Being one of the single young adult, we had to oversee certain things....

6 months after your left (and 18 more months)

10/07/2016
If you didnt leave, it would probably be close to a year when we knew each other. I know it was crazy to fall in love despite that i haven met you. Despite knowing some truth, I still continue to love you and be with you. Do you know i have never regret being with you ? And yes, I did cherish every moment that i was with you.  Maybe is really love because i still cant figure out why I loved you so much.


02/07/2016
BB, I don't know how are you the last 6 months but i think you are enjoying yourself there happily.
 
There are times which the following question bother me : 
Whether have you loved me before
Who was I to you then ?
Do you still miss me ?
And what do you not even wanna contact me ?

Last week, that like and "how are you" and you disappear again and again. There is this part of me that wanna shout at you to disguise how much I miss you everyday.
I miss you and every moment with you and where you send me to work.
Our stay cations and vacation. I miss you kissing my forehead and stroking my hair.
I miss talking to you, making fun with each other. I miss being in your arms.