20/4/2012 - about 40 hours before our flight, we started to book our flight to HKT-Phuket.... Of course, something happen and we almost couldn't board the flight...Anyway, we landed safely in Phuket....The first day was slow and relax and trying to orientate ourselves in Patong. A place where i visit for few hours but never stay there, which i tried and is good...

Day 2- 10-15 minutes walked to the beach and voila- magnificant view.. and i love it...

100 baht for a bench for a day - SGD $4+ dollars.....

This is our 1st hotel - APK, i saw the review was good and it was cheap like $35 dollars, and the location is damn good. With night market just less than 2 min, and opposite is shopping center, and bangla street ( pic above )also like few minutes away...

I don't like restaurant, i like road side stall.. they have fantastic food..... and is nice and delicious..... My all time favourite Kway teow soup on the right......

ZP's favourite - Coconut pancake with coke... Soft and cripsy and nice..

What is romance ?

 What is romance ?According to the dictionary -  A romantic spirit, sentiment, emotion or desire......
To me, i guess, is a feeling of being love by another, and loving another back even on the most simple event....

But i guess that was last time, in the year 2012 A.D... this is what will happen...

Our modern Romance, 2 person with 2 Laptop facing each other and communicating to someone else..Occasionally, we use fb to say hi and muacks. Fortunately, this scenario is so common in Singapore, with iphone, samsung or other PDA..... Facing each other and not talking to each other, just playing with phone....Is it our lifestyle ? Haiz....

Fortunately, almost 1 year ago, we first met outside the club, Arena, Clarke Quey on 1st May 2011 thru a mutual friend. His love, and his patient towardn-Das me, melt my heart along this special journey. There are some morning, after his busy and tiring night shift, he would stay awake just to send me to work at Somerset, so that I will not carry my heavy laptop or squeeze into the ever crowded train....

We met almost everyday..... Of course, as usual, I am the bossy one.... There are some things and outing that i would not like to attend..... I guess Prawning and fishing would be one of them. But i do understand, sometime, you might need to treat your man like fishing..... Release or tighten.....I want him to enjoy yet i want his accompany....... His is accommodating to me, he brought me to Haagen-Dazs... when I finally can enjoyed my xmas present....

 After some discussion, ZP say is ok, he will accompany me when I ask him to go... He say we just go for a while... As usual, when we reach Punggol, he started by saying Hi to the guys, and then start to prawn, 1,2,3 then and it goes on.... till then they started to BBQ the prawn and eating.... *yawn, so sleepy after so many night of insomnia... is like 4am !!! And i smell of some BBQ, on my clothes and my hair.. i know sometime i am quite paranoid.....

Anyway, it was good time spend, cause i know even when he is fishing, he jill still remember to check on me and ask if I am ok, but just never ask if i am tired and wanna go home, cause he wanna stay there... Typical of him he wanna stay but dont dare to say.......

Yesterday, Dear came shortly after I woke up to visit me. While deciding to go somewhere else, to eat, he randomly say Marina Square, I asked him why, he say got Long John, I told him, Bedok don't have meh  He say MS LJS chicken is longer( totally false!) I ask him why ? rock climbing ah ? then he smile and knob his head.

While driving towards suntec, at ECP,  ZP received a call from 6848xxxx, and this time he finally picked up.. and they asked if he is going for the promotion dinner.... and he say he had yet to receive letter. after the blah blah, Countdown 19 days to <<<@ZP@>>>, orchid country club......

 We parked at Suntec, walked to Marina Square to see rock climbing, then walked thru City Link Mall to Funan, then Peninsular Plaza, then to Raffles place ( where we have our J. Co donuts and eat like Leyun ) then to esplanade, see some night view ( unfortunately no camera to capture the nice view ! *hint, my ixus 230.. I am still waiting !)

Walked back to suntec to get the car, and was so thirsty and badly need a drink. Dear told me about his encounter with vending machine. We got 2 bottles of 500ml of coke for $1.60. :-) After which, we went to supper at 89.7 with azhar.. Yummy.....

We had a great night together... modern romance... hmmm.. Thank God,  his iphone was out of batt... Oops..

While trying to play around with mei tu xiu xiu, decided to use my own photo... Woh, different stages of me in diferent country.. but now, i feel demoralize to my tummy and body shape.. I have practically no confident.. i need to lose the weight again.... How ? had plan to exercise with ZP for next 2 weeks, but always sleeping...HELP Me..

Leyun is 3 years old on 15 April 2012 !

My beloved niece, Tan Leyun is 3 years old already ! She brought lots of joy, laughter to the family... She can be moody and she can brighten up your day, When she come back from school, she will shout, "yi yi, yi yi, where are you ? " Mummy also say that when i was out in Thailand, she will say she miss me and love me....

Being a self employed, I had many chance to see her first, her first walk, her talking, her dancing, which i then record and send to my sister so she know what happen .....

This kind of joy is what money cannot buy which i guess some people in my work place will never feel and get it cause they are are so busy with $$ and they never stp and see what is happening....

Being so close to life and death, as in, working to save people from death or emergency... I do appreciate certain things... I do wanna spend some time with my family as well as to accompany them...

Maid is like not a replacement to the family. They wash ur clothes, take care of the food.... but when something happen, they cannot decide... in another words, if something happen to an old uncle who fell very ill ? Do u think he prefer the son/daughter or the maid to brin ghim to the hospital ? of course if the son/ daughter cannot, then a maid to bring him to the hospital.

one of my regrets.........

After leaving the force for almost close to 3 years, I kinda of miss it... I miss those night shifts, i miss those adrenaline rush, those medic and drivers......... When i see alpha on the road and hearing those siren, bring me back to the past.... And when u meet up with one of your own or also used to be one of your own, u know what i mean.. I feel that i was so happy and so myself...... I didnt really need to give face, cause we r true and we are friends.....

from pic left to right : Omar, Myself, Azhar , eddy ( had left the force ) wan, the remaining......

Hearing them describe those drowned, decomposed and without flesh on the face, or the decomposition with maggots.... I mean i am bless that i didn't really see it...... And we actually those him, to get those Chinese incense stick..........

I miss those life, when i can do almost what i want.......... When i wake up this morning, i asked myself why did i Leave ? Was it good ? Leaving was a choice, i went outside and i did learn something valuable but i am not as strong that i used to be......

Thinking what if i am still a paramedic, and dear attend cases with me.... I guess i will be fierce as usual, or more fierce....Probably i will shout at him before or after the duty yet during calls also...... But, with his gentle, patient+++, tolerance temper, everything will just dissolve or melt away... Just like many people really salute to the way he put up with my spicy & hot temper......

Even if i stay, nobody know what is really going to happen.... I just just pray and God will direct me....

 In the most recently events, I somehow finally had enough of my manager.... my friends if u happen to be my clients... i can say that what happens did not affect my work, instead, it affirm my values in what i really do in financial planning... Some people may be well of than another one, some might just get enough to get by.... ( some time the hint is always to get rich one ) then what happen to those people who really need insurance to protect their family....

It was like a show hand, and i do get the hint that i should not be really consider in the team and i should stay away from them. Things happen for a reason, I.T , you will not understand, cause u dont know how i suufer during the 5 1/2 years. Even the talk, is just for you to show off your ego...... Serious, i regret joining u.... i should have join others....... If not for my customers, i think i wouldnt even care.....

Things that you say, and u claim u never say...... Smart loh......... i was like an idiot manipulated by you and your business plan... crappy stuffs...... want award but is ok dont need to have, can have low goal.... FML...

Taipei Day 3

the complimentary sunblock that can be used as a make up foundation and is quite good.


Day 3- 1030 hrs -First stop we went to Dan shui
Trying the local dishes - ah ge and others like fu zhou Fish ball, and i bought the crispy pork floss












Ye Liu - Over the years where the stone erode and become a shape ( i think so ), strong wind, and it was cold and wet.....


After which we went into this Custom place , where confiscated goods are sold.

Miao Kou -Another night market, more variety of food compare to Shilin.
Finally, get to eat my crispy chicken cube

My shopping on Day 3, limited cash due to day 2 tour ..



2300hrs - meet hotel lobby to Proceed to Lucy ( it was cold like 10 degree ) and i wore 4 layers of clothes.

While queuing - many police like free flow, seriously like 1k police including special force and CID to the same or building as lucy .

0000- people starting to dance to dance at dance floor .
3 bottle of whiskey ( $70 each for 7 of us ) with no dinner for me. What a happening night. It was just for myself. Not pretty or sexy dress. Just me, music and whiskey. Dance like never happen, Met some sq crew. A bit high.
Cry inside toilet, wondering what happen last 6 months. Sad about stupidly last6 years. Trust wrong guy. Most happening of the trip. Lucy club. With Lucy girls Lucy boys and if course the guys clubs.

0228- high, make the cabin crew drink like they were crew. I was with one until he married. So NO! Dont bluff me. Let's drink. 3 bottled. I dont think 7 of us can finish. Lets party with Sharon and partner. Like no other other night. How often y met Singaporean u met in Taiwan when I got to leave hotel at 0900 hrs when my flight at 1200hrs. I really Dont love him but I truly feel stupid.

I miss u baby, Gideon , which u r beside me. U care and concern me like I was last on the earth . Your love and care was the best for me to pray for me right now. Your love for me the best thing that happen right now. Nobody accept me like u do. Thank u, my dear gideon. Thank you God, or meeting him,

Omg. I didn't know how the hell did I get out of the club. I did I walk. Just like a picture kind, cheryl being carry out, passin my jacket to Shawn, Alice and Cherie in same cab taking care of Cheryl. Then I did I pass my key to Alex, just in case both of us cannot make it. I feel like vomiting and rush outside the road, and did I threw out in a ? Flower pot. Can't remember how I went out and sleep. Dun think I change and wash up or remove make up. Wake up about 6 plus. And scare I overslept.

Started to prepare stuffs yet still late for the pick up. Feel so bad, I pay for the driver breakfast. Thank god for his recommendation that I got something to eat.the sandwich was huge. Yummy. And spend my last few hundred on the nu ren wo zuo da magazine. And sun biscuit and muah chee. And the flight was delay to 1250 instead of 1200. And waiting for the departure to hong kong was 60min. Fuck up. It wasn't heavy traffic like what they say.

Taipei Day 2

Day 2 - 0745.....��War memorial , ancestor hall, museum of the precious 3 stone, princess house , Sua Sua Guo . Tian Lu , hot spring and shiin. Where I finally get my eyelashes. And my first to smelly tofu... Lucky is fried one. At the sticker shop, we were there like one hour....

I didn't stop blogging, i used my iphone to record my inner feelings which lots of people didnt know

Written on Mar 7 2012 via iphone notes

I feel stupid now.... And why didn't I just follow my heart ?

Oct 2011, I should just follow my heart and book a ticket to Argentina using the money from the car. And I actually want to try to fight for the star award and prove to him I can...

But he is always better , he prove to me I wasn't the one he want to marry and marry someone else after few months we broke off. And the wife is pregnant .... Hmmm....

After today, I feel like a idiot .... Probably spending all those money would actually make me happy then and now. I rather spend less and be happy than to be stress to be earning money. And worse to I can't even fulfill my own personal goal to Argentina. I only want to have personal goal. Business is just like Orh ok loh......

When my manager shouted at me this morning, cause he ask me called my friend, which I did.... He shouted as I was speaking to reception of orchard hotel. At the point of time, I almost snapped. I should just tell him fuck off, on what right can he stops my call. He is not my boss ...

I feel vulnerable.... The images and feeling when Justin beat me came.... The helpless ... Why did I allow him to shout at me cause I want to make a call? He is just like Justin who make me feel I am wrong who after cooling down . I am not at wrong.

He even supported him when he tried to contact me about house, which I didn't want cause he told me fuck off and didn't settle my car properly cause he was busy flying. As fast as I signed the paper thinking I should be nice to the family, as he claim his father is stress (now I know why, he was busy preparing for his shotgun marriage) he call him an say he want his policy to be terminate.

As a financial planner. I have not done anything wrong, what was done for him was good cause of his lifestyle. My boss told me he agree with Justin, we should be responsive when client call us. ( call us for ? , work , is not as If he called from hospital... He told me to fuck off then beg me to sign )

I can't have a manager who is his friend. My manager or his friend. Obviously, he is his friend, maybe money . He chase me to sign his acknowledgement of transferring everyday.

Actually, I was hoping he terminate, I don't care if it affect my persistency . I was hoping something's open to him and he can never make claim and regret. Cause he was personal against me.

Till the day, you lost the most precious object or item to u, then u all can have any rights. I pray hard the day when u can witness the day when u lose something precious in ur heart so u will be fill with guilt and retribution be with u.

You make me sick, u juy make me feel that I was beaten again. If u ever stop me from
Going Argentina. It shall not end so simple.

WRITTEN on March 4 2012 via iphone notes

Sunday night, after viewing with closing appt postponed, after hectic days at push cart. My legs are cracking with dear dear dead tired.

With me interested in listening to adele (maybe cause dear singing her songs) and sudden urge of buying albums last few days. Went into that cd shop and want to buy and realize dear got the whole albert concert in his iphone and my iPad...( like mountain turtle ).

As soon as I got home, i open my iPad and look for it. So clear on my iPad, not a waste to buy it even thou I don't use it much often. Listening to it, but just feel different and then I remember my beats... oMG, woh, damn clear, and solid, really felt in her concert. The clarity and the bass and everything ( thank you dear dear)...

I started fast forwarding as the starting was some unfamiliar songs, came to some middle and hear her talk. So funny.... Talking about her songs, that she write cause of the bastard ex, and the end of the songs, she point both middle fingers... Woh.. Powerful.....

She will explain when and roughly why the songs was created. She say she was a bitch, and don't go well with the ex... Lol...

I started to really know about her, ya I know I am slow cause I rarely explore music and singer.... I found similarity.... She is so true, emotions so true... Talented..... Her voice, the way she talk to make people laugh... But her songs, can feel her emotions....

And when she sing "someone like you" is was like Power!!! And she could wish him the best...hmm... She must have love the guy quite a lot...
And when the crowd sing together, it was so touching .... And she drop her tears..... So emotional, so touching ...
She thank this ex for changing her
Life, enjoyed being friends together ... Openly declare all thanks to this ex, how many people can do that ? Most of my ex are still food friends with me but Obviously , not JM... Truly bastard, definitely don't wish him all the best. ...



So wanna buy tickets to her concert if there is any, even malaysia or what , if she ever here...

If there is a chance , I will buy the mos expensive tickets, to see her sing...


Written on Feb 1 2012 via iphone notes

Stop asking if I want to go Munich, cause, I hate it now. Is like asking to go toa payoh, I feel sad , a house that I could have in 2 months time is no longer was destroy by 2 SIA steward and stewardness who were so horny that they cannot wait to fuck in their hotel room. (what's new)

I am so naive to believe in his lie. Or I should be happy cause he bother to lie .

I dun know why I never book tickets to Argentina in oct to go during dec. I should stop listening to Isaac and his crap, cause he has no fucking idea. Why do I chase his dream instead of my mine. I dread and I don't know what to do.Everything that is important is about him, I am sure u can earn more money from selling to him instead of my over-riding. You can't just expect me to do thing that hurt myself again and again. You don't even know what hell I went thru during the 5 1/2years. Or maybe u r those that support him in beating and abuse and etc....since u r from the same group.


. I want to be away for real. Or can I just go Thailand to hide from people for one months. Then slowly save for Argentina. Hmm....

I don't even know what I want now. I feel lost again and this time I don't have anything at all. Then, who is there ?


Written on 30 Jan 2012 via iphone Notes

I don't know how to describe this kind of feelings.I feel emotionally unbalance ESP this 6 months... Few months after we broke off, i know he got new gf... He can't be bother to be return brakes for 5 min cause he is flying ( and i bet fucking which turn up to be true ) And few months later, Xmas, saw him on new bike with the new gf. A week later on new year eve, i saw the photo of him married with full ceremony. I remember those comments and the picture, the images never go off. Even when I sleep. I got night mare about it. Whatever he say or do haunt me . When I ask u to settle the car u sign up for, just to settle the brake, u flying . When u want me to sign the documents for the house , I postponed my appt, yet still must wait for u and being accused by your parents. Wtf. When u want me to sign the house again, I ignore and disappear, how u feel, what u mean ur dad is stress. I know why now, cause u shotgun , yet this time u can come down to my house just to know on door. Don't need to fly ? All are rubbish and excuses.

Seriously, I can't wait for the day karma happen to u. I can't forget and forgive what u did to me for 5 1/2 years. You are not the one that give me chance. Yet I was the one that give u chance again and again yet u never appreciate.

Chinese new year, confirmed he got married cause he shot gun. His cock so itchy , the gal so slutty that they cannot wait to have baby.

What with the cannot change flight... No more. Forcing people in a subtle way to do what people don't want. I dun think I can ever forget the feeling and sights running down my legs... I feel so cheap....and stupid

So now, u r happy because there is a bump on the stomach... Heaven got eyes .... The world is round. I can't wait for the day.

I am not in love with him anymore. I just feel like the most stupid women in the world. I was with an bastard that lie thru straight into my eyes for 5 1/2 years . A person who never love me for who I really was...I was just someone he can make use financially when he was in ns and started flying.

I am scare to fall in love... I am

Scare to be in the same situation again. And I know that I am

Not that young.. And I dun really like to be non-disclose and guessing game.

I don't wanna to pretend to be another person that people wanna see. I am not clown.I dont wanna cry myself inside toilet cause nobody want me .. I don't wanna go thru the things that made me stupid and naive.