2nd week without ZP Dear

Wednesday, 24 June 2015 

 Hey baby, it was great to fall asleep early and it was kind of good sleep. Probably, my period is coming and I didn't really sleep well for the past weeks. The smell on tigger was so great, probably put me to ease a lot. Sound crazy but I love it.not sure it will last me how long.

Baby, it has been 10 days. I still kinda of miss u beside me. Knowing yesterday you wasn't on the phone so much, hope is not a busy night but u sleeping soundly and early. Actually u have kept me happy for at least 5 years. What else can I ask for you? I let u go so that I won't be selfish to u. Bearing me for 48 months was probably the best you could do for me. It was sad things end that way. Not sure if I am one of your serious gf.  Didn't even know ur past relationship.

This morning I went to work, passed by kallang mrt. I can only think of 6300 and u waiting for the smelly after-exercise me.... Then u give me a kiss... Miss ur kisses ...miss ur hug

Finally, you get your long sleep i hope. Your love for me for the last 4 years was the best things that happen. i am sorry that i didnt treasure you alot. I hope we are still good friends, and we still can talk and care about each other.

Trying to go holiday without you is hmm.. challenging.. without to endure my snoring, not sure what will happen, with you by myside give me alot of security.

Baby, you think we can be like other couple， cool for 2 weeks then be ok for a while. Or maybe u really totally don't have feeling for me. Should I wait until your fasting time and give us sometime... Or maybe I should fast by not seeing u for fasting month... Is gonna be so hard for me

Hey dear, I did better in the evening today. I guess u have more rest today. I tried to see less or "you" online. I did what Jolene say, concentrate on searching my Gold Coast. I went to gym. I worked harder carrying weight, thou I did think of you - whether did u go to gym these few weeks. Did u carry weights? How would I be for me to carry weights beside u.... Maybe going to gym is really a good distress method to forget certain things. I did not cried while running. Everytime I think of you,I increased the speed of treadmill , so that I need to work hard and breath harder so I don't think of you so much. I made myself run longer and harder today. Life without you,gym is almost my only friend. I have to keep myself tired so that the only thing I get home is rest with tigger.

I don't have appetite for dinner nowadays cause they are tasteless to me, without u. Nights like this I just drink water, go back wash up, cry a little and then rest with tigger. I miss hugging u to sleep, it was so comfortable then I can fall sleep anytime. I miss those noise from tv programme that I don't watch. Now my room are just empty and silence. 

The train just crossed geylang bazaar, thinking of all the Kerbab and my fav you char kuay with the bird nest drink we always shared under the hot tentage. I opened my email, and saw Jody Gideon, I eyes become wide open for a moment, then I realize it was a mail that I send from our combined email.

 Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Dear Dear, today I tried not to stalk you as much. I tried to be more logical in the day telling myself, you don't love or have feeling any more .

At night, I tend to miss u more. Even running , I will miss u and cried at the threadmill. I have washed tigger, he didn't sun tanned much and he is smelly. But with him by myside, I sleep better. I made him wear your singlet. Just make me feel close , just like you around. Just like how You always tell me to hug pooh when you are working night shift. Today, I bought Mont Blanc perfume. So tigger can smell like u... So that I sleep better, not like yesterday night, keep on thinking about u.

When I was going home , mummy called me, she brought us durian. She asked where are you, I just said you are working. I still don't know what to say and how to say. knowing that you don't like me anymore.

This morning , I wanted to sms you and meet you. But I hold on and not msg u. I hope I did it right. Am I so annoying to u ?
  
Monday, 22 June 2015

Dear dear I miss u so much, I made smelly tigger wore your singlet. I hug tigger, and it make me feel better when sleeping. It still pained me to know you won't be sleeping by my side anymore I cried by the side of the bed yesterday , calling for dear dear. I miss you so much . I hope u have good rest yesterday.

Dear dear ,miss u at work today on a Monday morning. Can't txt u to let u know I am in office. Can't😘 you. Only can see u online on and off. I went toilet and I cried again. I don't know when this will stop.

Will there be any chance we can come back together for good ? Or I have done it that we can't ?

So feel like texting you if you going to send ur mum to Arab street, I will be around the area. So feel like meeting u, but I don't want you to think I am pestering you. If u miss me , you will text right ?

This 4 years is really nothing to you ? You don't even text me at all ? Not even for one whole week until I texted you. You never ever thought of texting me ? It was so easy for you to forget me, what we did for 4 years together ? Can't you text me is everything fine. I really wish to know why did we ended up like that ? Cause ur parents against and u had no feelings for me ? Since when ? Sea games ? If I ask you will u even tell me or I shouldn't ask at all .

I am disappointed that i text u sunday early morning which you didnt even reply till now. I know you are back to your favorite instagram. Liking many climbing photo, which i never go with you.

Dear dear , couldn't sleep well last night... So tired but always thinking what are you doing , why didn't u txt me, u really don't love me or care for me ? At all ? Since when？you don't even want to see me at all ? You seem so happy moving on ..... Like you never love me before.u hated me so much ?