It was suppose to be a nice casual date with dear dear at Orchard. After the heavy traffic, the searching of a lot for the car, the crazy amount of people in the food republic of ION and the crazy q all over the restaurant, we finally manage to settle down at the food court of Takashimaya, with me eating the Tori-Q.
And what happened after that was a disaster............. went up to Oakley, saw a familiar face, a casual talk that made the whole night damn sour. Just because I commented is better to be paramedic, cause after he re-became a paramedic, he is spending his money like nothing....buying things as and when he wants.... so he say was my fault for resigning.....No doubt, i think my life was much more enjoyable and carefree as a paramedic. Now, I wish to go back, but nothing in the direction seems to be progressing... I can't control it, cant control the application or the tender of the private ambulance.
I just don't get it, why when u give face to a so called friend, he simply don't give u face... or just too comfortable to say the truth or the insensitive part ?I didnt even say it was stupid decision to sell ur flat near to mrt for the LOW price, for a common corridor flat which u complain day in and day out is small and no privacy, yet at the same time u r meeting old friends around the East area. When u decided to quit from CD within 24 hours, and pay the penalty even thought u have the vacation leave. And wanted to quit again from Lentor, yeah, u called me, and i spend 1 1/2 hours talking to u, leaving my boyfriend one side, just to hear u say, u made up ur mind..... then why even called me...
He say into my face that I nagged with a high pitched, thats why even guys don't wanna to listen also.. I mean that's you, you dont listen to anybody but want people's comment and suggestion.... Even the close friend of u get so sick and tired, just say yes and hanged up.. Why am I so stupid, thinking u will listen to me, which u will only listen to ur own community. Dont beat me so hard, cause it really painful even if I am fatty...
He called me a few days ago, just because u r eating chicken rice after eating nasi lemak.. U don't want to be as fat as me, because u r over eat alone... I mean what the fuck? And why is it that u message at 1am to go for supper, and that you hate me the rest of your life for making u fat again ?
After the coincidental meet up, i became depressed and have no other further mood to shop and it did dampen the spirit of our dating night.
This is what i write on NOV 2 while "shopping"
Feeling lousy and crappy... Is not as if I want to leave cd, not as if I want to resign as a pm... If not for the selfish bastard, who want a house in toa payoh but never serious to marry me...
Am
I the one that is impulsive to leave SCDF or I am too arrogant to think
that I will really do better outside which I never did.... And just
because is sales I can't even say anything that I am not doing well... I
simply can't go Argentina just because I don't have money.... As simple
as that... Who bother
Am at orchard mrt, really
feel like crying ..... So depress.... People look down on me, and I
look down on myself... Whether is love, career, health or fitness.... I
feel totally down.....
I really don't know who
can help me up or my wound is just so deep .. I really feel like
disappearing from here... From earth or Singapore , I don't know ...
I
don't know since when I became very weak and fragile.... My world
collapsed for a long time... I tried.,applied for pm, but half a year,
now no news at all.... What else to do .. Is something I cannot
control... Things which I am good at, I can't go back.. Really at lost
... That back luck ? I just hope is a test from God, fluck terribly yet
got to bite my teeth and bleed ....
Totally
lost and don't know what to do.... Such a failure, people can't bother
to listen to what I say, cause is too insignificant....
Can't even go to Phuket for holiday.... Don't have the guts to go alone.. Suck a failure .....
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