Frustrated Day/Years

It has been a frustrating 2 Years... When nothing seem to be going right. I guess I have to bear large part of it for not been discipline. I didn't like how I was treated in the force. I eventually left because of their stupid structure thinking the outside world is better. Probably, maybe I just didn't discover yet. Probably, I wasn't really ready due to limited savings and controlling of liquidity funds. I didn't work regularly and smartly. Eventually, the Cost was killing me slowly. I wasn't earning fast enough to recover, I was bleeding... I thought I could slowly recover. But seem, is the same. The cost is high and my income is not even enough to cover. It has always been finding things to cover the here and there. It is so tiring.

One day, while driving, I just felt tired, mentally tired of driving.
Of finding ways to maintain the car which I can't barely support myself. Because of it, my dignity was compromise. To think logically , I don't really need it when I was i became a full pledged paramedic. Office and home was 2.6km. It became habit and too costly to let it go. And now most of the time is at the carpark. As much as I love the car, I knew it was time to let go. Cause I should just really focus on what I want and not what other ppl want. I didn't have branded to start with, but guess it was influence.

I prefer to have a simple life, go to work, with reasonable
Fixed pay. Save up money, go holiday once a while. Probably
That all I can ask for and pray for. Maybe I not really suitable for the competitive business Industry. Maybe I should do outdoor, just concentrate on normal
Job. Just lead a simple and easy life , probably I would be happier. I miss those times when I could depend on my own, buy myself or mummy rings. Pay myself for Things that I want or need. Then to rely or "see their face" to have it. Make me no Integrity and shameless.

For love, I guess I should have not having illusion of love, probably just not on me. Maybe is just not for me or yet, is painful. Seem that I got to beg for it. Yet, sometime I love it when i am loved. How he fetch me to work and pick me up no matter how tired or sleepy he is. But is it enough to sustain, sometimes I feel that he is not fighting hard enough like what he claim that he will.... He rather put up a fight then to never fight at all... Has the fight started ? or when will it actually start ?

The long-Due Gathering

I remember back in March 2007, when J and I had our first break up, I was depressed and sad. I would go to California Gym at Orchard, and be at the treadmill for an hour. Sometimes, Omar and Azhar plus me will go together. ( I lost 6kg from wisdom tooth and 4 more from gym ? but now, nothing seem to work, haiz )

After few weeks, at a dinner gathering, I knew yati, and wan was azhar's buddy during the paramedic course. We spend that evening at Viv0-modesto, bitching.... Those were the days, where we lead our carefree life !
Yesterday, I can be myself again, without the stress and the formailty.. I do not need to watch what I said.. I am one of its own at the group... Size and language, martial status, background, doesnt matter... They accept you for who you are. In the pic -Azhar, Eddy, Wan, Omar, Jody, Yati

We were life savers on the road and we will still be for the people who appreciate us.

Eddy - Currently, student in NYP studying occupational therapy.

Omar - Enrolled Nurse with Ren-Cir

Jody - Financial Planner plus real estate

Azhar - MOE Teacher

No matter what you go, wherever you are, there are still people who care for you and accept the real you.




I remember when i first entered Changi, Omar was there, cause he was Q's good friend. We often change shift, I will work day shift, he will work night, cause the no. of calls are the same and he stay in Boon lay......

Classmates and Councillors for 4 years in Damai Secondary School, Schoolmates in Poly, Colleagues in the force. Friends for 15 years............

So is the clubbing and the KL short trip coming. Cant wait to go out with u all and have fun !

Painful days

It started on a thursday night,because of one small little petty incident leading to an huge argument and it turn quite bad..... Bad..



Next day, went for friday meeting, and after that it became worse.. No communication and all.... Then i decided to go to Roller blade without my guards ( cause is missing ).. Even with slight pain over my ankle..... I manage to blade to Fort road from carpark f2, called people but the kind of response i want... When i u-turn, then he called.... While talking halfway, near area c, BBQ pit 7, I slipped and fell on my buttocks and using my right hand to break the fall... Ouch, it was damn painful, just like when i had a fall last time. I feel giddy, i felt as it I had a Neuro Shock... I felt the cold sweat.....



I was worried about my old injuries at my buttock region, turn out is ok.... But i couldnt feel my right hand. I couldnt grib, i couldnt swing.... I still try to stand and slowly blade back toward the other end of east coast. That is what you need to do it you are alone.

Being a ex paramedic before, u will start to have your provisonal diagnosis.. So i check for swelling and bruises, ROM of my arms. There was no swelling, so cant be #, thought was dislocated, but cant be, cause i still have some form of ROM. I was unable to really pin point the pain, only some generalise pain.

After discussing with 2 operational paramedic, one told me to go hospital, one say can rest and see how....

Few hours later, the pain progress, I was asked by my beloved police, my pain score and ask if i wanted arm sling... :-( I went to H1 to have my arm x-ray. Thank God, there was no #, doctor say i probably brusies my soft tissues and was given pain killer jab on my ass ! Argh ! that's goes my $90 bucks.

No more stupid arguments... is painful....