January 2016

04012016
Bb, I been missing you, I hope you know I am doing ok but I miss u A lot.. I finished worked at 7pm on MondY even when my manager is not around .. The new accounts been giving me busy ... I missed my abt class ...so I went to Bc classes at 1950, made myself work really hard , making the sweat to drop on the floor ... 9/730 and I still haven heard from you... U been online late in Tucson time but I have no idea what is going on ... I hope is because u haven settle down ... Or is a long time u been planning to never msg once u reach...


I read a book last few days , it seem that me you so called affair is to test your market value .... Cause things doesn't work out at home ...

Bb,I know I am not suppose to cry ... I tried for one week, absence of your message making me very hard to go thru it ... I don't even feel ur love.. So I was one sided .... I tried to numb myself, work , gym and sleep ... 9 classes but still , I miss u almost ever minute ....  I cried almost like shit again since I came back from gym cause I really miss u.. Your voice, your shoulder , your message ...

I don't know if you ever will get to see this ... I just wanna tell you how much I love you despite you not loving me cause I don't wanna have any regret ...  I know you wanted your old life without me , you loved your kids and most likely with her too... Time and time again, proven no matter how far you are from me and how long you mia from me , I still loved you and I miss you right from the bottom from my heart...I don't what it is that make me love you so much and hard.  You are the first man I ever wanted so badly , but ur kids need you... I have to sacrifice my love for you, hide and be quiet , to love you silently and from afar. Your are also the first man who left me , and I have to hold up strong and have never thought of loving another person again for now ... My love for u surpasses my air steward ex. I am probably just ur fwb , but u know everything time I am with you, my heart is always at peace even I flutter for you... You make me smile just by thinking of you .. Our teasing to each other, our laughter and how much u know me ... It aches so many times that I cannot cry , many times I wish that my body will ache instead of my heart.. Bb, never happen , my body refused to ache , my heart is so sour....


060116
Day 12 I think , wanted to go body pump. While preparing , boss came out. And I left office at 2000hrs. Trying not to miss u ... Pretending everything is fine. Hate to realise u never loved me at all.
D-day - 27122015
I was so heartbroken when I didn't even hear from you. Finally, after few droplets of tears, your name appeared on my phone. The normal iPhone ringing sound so wonderful and magical.

You came , and when you lie down and say you are just here to say Goodbye. My tears have been flowing non stop. Past 40 hours , I haven been a gold fish..I tears as I kiss you cause I gonna miss you so much ..

Did I see that teary eyes of yours ? Bb , did u ever love me before ? Have you really want me by your side ? Will you always loved me ?

When all my friends left and I am Alone, I just can't controlled my tears...I knew I can't go to airport, it make things difficult for u .... And maybe seeing me tears so badly for u ; u will feel bad ?

I am trying to be strong, but I need your love to be strong ..For the last 2 months was hell , I know we didn't know each other that long, but it peace love comfort when I am with u. It will take a very long long time for me . But I don't wanna forget and I can't

08/01/16
Went to zumba , then hatha yoga then breathing and medication... Was in gym from 1820 to 2200hrs. Brought back work so that I don't need to OT and can go gym, and don't need to go back during weekend ...  Practicing.. Thinking if I should go army , study insurance related course or take some sports instructor course like yoga or body combat

2016 #jqchallenge

It has been a while..... Is 09 April 2016 and i realise i didnt update my blog for almost 3 months... I wanted to pen my thoughts and events but i guess I was too tired or not motivated to do anything.

The last quarter was quite tough, and being alone didn't make thing exactly easy. When you tried to bury things you cared for the most and you work and work and after work is gym so that you can reach home real tired and not think of others things.. Somehow, sometimes it works, sometimes i get really teary...

Him suddenly messaging didnt make things more dramatic. While contemplating to delete my Line apps, he had to message after mia for 2 months... I most likely get so stress up, I ended up having fever and gastric......  Yes, i still love you alot.... Just like very words that  I told you, it was the truth, unlike you.... I just dont have the romantic feel with anybody after you left and i dont wanna to be involve romantically.. Probably, this will be my sabbatical from love other people.......

While I can do now, is to love myself, just like how i wish other people will love me... While i prefer not to be alone, I can only try to make myself happy.  I indulge food and drinks. I workout like crazy..
After 4 year of rebound after justin,i finally "found" someone that i am crazy with, really just want to love him with my whole heart. Guess what, my love was thrown away like a junk and stamp over and over. I wonder will I ever be in love again...

2 weeks ago, i finally chop off my hair again.. I just want to restart my life.....Is not so motivating when you know there is no one back there to support you... I have to do lots of self-talking.... Need to lose some weight for Queensland, and hopefully lose some during the trip... Cant wait for my holiday...