7 years of Similar shit, different Person...

22nd December

I should just stop thinking that maybe one we really would be together, I dont think is gonna happen. As the time goes by, I observe more similarity between you and him. Of course, who will admit they flirt with other woman. My heart is going colder, and everything the thoughts of you messaging other woman . Every time when there is so much time, yet u cannot spare some little time to do something more important.

I mean seriously, spending 20min of time to ask people to reserve a place for you, when you dont have 2 min to navigate to 1 MRT stop away. Chosing a way that you think is fast but dont know they way, and didn't put the cepass properly to go thru ERP, and go round and round the bugis area. I did is my fault that i have been trying to guide you, even helping u to install the navigation is useless. Some thing just dont change.

My mood for christmas just totally disappear, cause is the 3rd time in the same month that i dont wanna celebrate christmas, and maybe it should stay away, just go for service but not celebrating as if exchanging gift or what. It seem that is a bit pointless and xmas seem to be like the official reason that people buy more things.

So what if you go around looking for the perfect gift to give to that someone, doing your research what is good and whats suit him more ? doesnt really matter now... and the thing he say, xmas is from the heart, whatever people give u, just take and he will like. so i can maybe give chocolate...

Personal opinion, if you die die wanna buy something for the sake for buying or giving. yet u know the person wont really like it, it totally meaningless. I mean is good to receive, but is better to get something that you life. Value of the item and what is really suitable for the person something just doesnt come together.

For me, i dont mind receiving the gift early so that i have a xmas mood, but he say want to wait till christmas and all. Into your face, DON'T NEED TO !  If you want to wait until xmas, why want me to wait also, aren't you giving your church people present now, stop giving me those craps, and now i dont wanna spend my xmas with u .

I have also been waiting one day that u can be a bit more intiative to do something, I am not a very impromtu person when certain things need to be plan unless is a place i am very familiar with.

Oh well, since the gift is useless, I have posted to instagram and facebook. Yup, i want you to see yet cannot get it and regret. I had that sucky feeling for the longest time, i been hinting you about us yet is a open ended answer, I am quite sick of it. I am not the 17 or 18 y/o gal that have time to wait. And you never know me before, once i walk away, is with no feeling... and is gettng very near there.





15th December

maybe is the period, blame in on the period, but there is something i cant stop thinking, cause it happen before and before.

In the previous relationship, since I was not not married, I didnt bother. Yup, so what, u gave the freedom they needed, so it end result was a shotgun with someone... Thats the result ! I haven recover  from the hurt... the fact that i wasted my 5 1/2 years especially in my mid 20s to spend with a guy that i knew was not serious with me. I still chose to believe that I would be the one.  Reality got to slap my face.

This time, not much far away, a not so committed person claimed he love me, but still messaging, flirting or whatever with other woman. Sick of it ! Dare to do but scare to admit ! I just feel like i am just like any other woman, just that maybe mine frequency was much more. So what does it meant ? Something ?

Everytime, I hold your phone, that panick reaction of yours tell me there is something you dont want me to know. As a woman, I even want to know more, and of course, things are the way that I could imagine. So flirting and all, doesnt seem to be bothering u, of course, u r the one having fun. All i feel was someone who doesnt care about what i feel.

My heart feel so cold, that i dont know how to love someone. I dont know how to plan my future, no matter in which stage....... Everything seem temporary and fake.

So what if I wanna to surprise with a great Christmas present, I dont even wanna spend with him at all, got the feeling for the second time this year, ... Maybe deep inside my heart, I already Knew i was not the one for you, but again I was  hoping that I would be the one.