2nd week without ZP Dear

Wednesday, 24 June 2015 

 Hey baby, it was great to fall asleep early and it was kind of good sleep. Probably, my period is coming and I didn't really sleep well for the past weeks. The smell on tigger was so great, probably put me to ease a lot. Sound crazy but I love it.not sure it will last me how long.

Baby, it has been 10 days. I still kinda of miss u beside me. Knowing yesterday you wasn't on the phone so much, hope is not a busy night but u sleeping soundly and early. Actually u have kept me happy for at least 5 years. What else can I ask for you? I let u go so that I won't be selfish to u. Bearing me for 48 months was probably the best you could do for me. It was sad things end that way. Not sure if I am one of your serious gf.  Didn't even know ur past relationship.

This morning I went to work, passed by kallang mrt. I can only think of 6300 and u waiting for the smelly after-exercise me.... Then u give me a kiss... Miss ur kisses ...miss ur hug

Finally, you get your long sleep i hope. Your love for me for the last 4 years was the best things that happen. i am sorry that i didnt treasure you alot. I hope we are still good friends, and we still can talk and care about each other.

Trying to go holiday without you is hmm.. challenging.. without to endure my snoring, not sure what will happen, with you by myside give me alot of security.

Baby, you think we can be like other couple， cool for 2 weeks then be ok for a while. Or maybe u really totally don't have feeling for me. Should I wait until your fasting time and give us sometime... Or maybe I should fast by not seeing u for fasting month... Is gonna be so hard for me

Hey dear, I did better in the evening today. I guess u have more rest today. I tried to see less or "you" online. I did what Jolene say, concentrate on searching my Gold Coast. I went to gym. I worked harder carrying weight, thou I did think of you - whether did u go to gym these few weeks. Did u carry weights? How would I be for me to carry weights beside u.... Maybe going to gym is really a good distress method to forget certain things. I did not cried while running. Everytime I think of you,I increased the speed of treadmill , so that I need to work hard and breath harder so I don't think of you so much. I made myself run longer and harder today. Life without you,gym is almost my only friend. I have to keep myself tired so that the only thing I get home is rest with tigger.

I don't have appetite for dinner nowadays cause they are tasteless to me, without u. Nights like this I just drink water, go back wash up, cry a little and then rest with tigger. I miss hugging u to sleep, it was so comfortable then I can fall sleep anytime. I miss those noise from tv programme that I don't watch. Now my room are just empty and silence. 

The train just crossed geylang bazaar, thinking of all the Kerbab and my fav you char kuay with the bird nest drink we always shared under the hot tentage. I opened my email, and saw Jody Gideon, I eyes become wide open for a moment, then I realize it was a mail that I send from our combined email.

 Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Dear Dear, today I tried not to stalk you as much. I tried to be more logical in the day telling myself, you don't love or have feeling any more .

At night, I tend to miss u more. Even running , I will miss u and cried at the threadmill. I have washed tigger, he didn't sun tanned much and he is smelly. But with him by myside, I sleep better. I made him wear your singlet. Just make me feel close , just like you around. Just like how You always tell me to hug pooh when you are working night shift. Today, I bought Mont Blanc perfume. So tigger can smell like u... So that I sleep better, not like yesterday night, keep on thinking about u.

When I was going home , mummy called me, she brought us durian. She asked where are you, I just said you are working. I still don't know what to say and how to say. knowing that you don't like me anymore.

This morning , I wanted to sms you and meet you. But I hold on and not msg u. I hope I did it right. Am I so annoying to u ?
  
Monday, 22 June 2015

Dear dear I miss u so much, I made smelly tigger wore your singlet. I hug tigger, and it make me feel better when sleeping. It still pained me to know you won't be sleeping by my side anymore I cried by the side of the bed yesterday , calling for dear dear. I miss you so much . I hope u have good rest yesterday.

Dear dear ,miss u at work today on a Monday morning. Can't txt u to let u know I am in office. Can't😘 you. Only can see u online on and off. I went toilet and I cried again. I don't know when this will stop.

Will there be any chance we can come back together for good ? Or I have done it that we can't ?

So feel like texting you if you going to send ur mum to Arab street, I will be around the area. So feel like meeting u, but I don't want you to think I am pestering you. If u miss me , you will text right ?

This 4 years is really nothing to you ? You don't even text me at all ? Not even for one whole week until I texted you. You never ever thought of texting me ? It was so easy for you to forget me, what we did for 4 years together ? Can't you text me is everything fine. I really wish to know why did we ended up like that ? Cause ur parents against and u had no feelings for me ? Since when ? Sea games ? If I ask you will u even tell me or I shouldn't ask at all .

I am disappointed that i text u sunday early morning which you didnt even reply till now. I know you are back to your favorite instagram. Liking many climbing photo, which i never go with you.

Dear dear , couldn't sleep well last night... So tired but always thinking what are you doing , why didn't u txt me, u really don't love me or care for me ? At all ? Since when？you don't even want to see me at all ? You seem so happy moving on ..... Like you never love me before.u hated me so much ?

Dear Dear, I really miss you alot !

It has been one week since we broke up,我很想你，每天都只能看你在whatsapps online，但是又不可以msg 你。我真的很辛苦。没有你在我身边，很不习惯。看不到你，听不到你的声音。吃东西没有味道，睡不好。每天只想看到你。missing you beside me, your snoring , you lying beside me.

I been thinking of you, I was happy that we can finally see each other. I was so happy i get to see u in the early morning then but in the evening.Glad that you remember and called me to go percolate. But I really don't know what to say to u.i have so much to say but I know you don't want to listen. When I told u I haven been eating dinner for last one week, u didn't care also. Knowing that you had new job scope was good , happy for you. I guess you are moving on strong without me by your side.

 

 I really want to ask you,"How have you been for past one week ? Are you happier, are you more relieve ？ is this what you want ? Did u ever think little bit of me last one week ?

Thank you for entertaining my special  request yesterday.you don't really want to do but you never really say no. I missed you hugging me. I know u don't wanna kiss me. But I really want to do it with you.

What can I do to forget you ? I don't think so. It has been a good memory of 4 years. I never feel scared when u r around ,now that you are Not by my side, I feel lost and scared.very lost. All I could do on a Sunday was to lie on the bed and think of you. I didn't even want to do anything else . NOw that you really get your freedom, every few minute u r on whatsapps or instagram. Was it so easy to forget me ?

I miss u so much that I wanna cry again. My room feel so empty without u. Going crazy just by thinking of u... Why ? Why can't we be together . Texted you for the wonderful 4 years you took good care of my as a good friend/lover/partner, and apologise if i hurt you and your family directly and indirectly. Still no response. U really hated me so much ?

dear dear, What can I do if I want us to be back together ?

 

God, tell me what I can do ? To make him for in love with me again. Arent you serious with me before ? at all ?

 

 

 

 

June 2015 - I fuck it up again !

I didnt like month of May, but i didnt knoe the month of June is the most hated month of the year, It is always June, especially Mid-June when i suffered heart breaking things. From BGR breakup, accusation from previous work, to the most recent break up.  I hope it really passed thru real fast.

ZP and I are done. We are not together anymore, and I didnt see him for a week. It breaks my heart, I cried every night and I force myself to go gym and run to make myself real tired. I miss him. I miss him by myside.

4 years. Almost exactly 4 years then and now.

I tried my very best to be very strong. I have to act very cool, despite the motion sickness and the weather and the body who went on hunger strike for one week . It was a headaxhe moments. I try not to think what you are thinking just concentrate  or settling our things. I really hope you are happier  now.

Is finally weekend and i am Sitting at home now. So sad. So sad tgat I no longer have you. Perhaps the greatest lesson and reflection to me. I tried to stopped my finger from texting you it was so hard. I cried every night I forced myself to go gym and then to run again after every class. So I will be son tired to sleep and don't think so much. But I was wrong. It didn't make me tired. I still wake up like normal and wait for weekend to arrive.

I have no apetite. I either eat very little or I skipped it at all. All those food taste so different without u around.  I could only forced myself to swallow a few bite do I won't faint or get gastric.

The aching feeling from the heart. Is so heart breaking.The fact that I can no longer see you like how we always,make me crazy.  Knowing nobody will share the bed and snore beside me. Nobody will care as much as you do. 

We can't turn back time. If we could do like what ha ha do. I want to start every thing proper. Really treasure and love you and do whatever to conquer again.

 I should have flipped my old message real early instead of now.

Taipei - 2015

We usually fly to Taipei first then to hongkong, but due to billy's wedding, we had to fly to Macau via HKG first.

So for the first time from HKG to Taipei Airport, and the flight is full ! Unlike from Taipei to HKG, usually is less load.

 Look like ah nei IT consultant anot ? Haha ! Someone want to look smart for his flight ! Sucking his stomach !


As usual, our standard hotel in Taipei.. But this year, i had bad experience with asiarooms.com(but now is laterooms,com). I had booked the hotel with free cancellation, I had to change the reservation as we decided to stay one more day in HKG as our friend might join us there.

I had called asiarooms.co to edit the reservation but I was told than the previous booking must be cancelled as they cant edit. They make a new booking for me, for a day later than the original date.

When I was checking in, I was told that I had double booking and I need to pay for the no-show the previous night ( that was suppose to be cancel ). I told the hotel that it was cancelled but they say that they did not received it. I even had the cancellation email.

I had to called asisrooms...... then ding dong ding dong.... Such a spoiler from the trip..... And it was bloody warm when i check in... Thank God, I got the block B this time roune.. The bloody Block E 6th floor was very disturbing with all the lift sound.

The standard routine for most Singapore... Ximending.... But this time round some shopping and massage first before steamboat.

Our massage place just beside the steamboat.... damn shiok and cool....

                                     
                                                 Our usual ma-la steamboat in Ximending !

                        Ma-la soup for him and tomato soup for me.....

This ice cream, i dont get to eat in Singapore and it chewy and nice esp after ma-la steamboat.

Mr. Pink said that the steamboat was not nicr, cause he didnt have the spicy feeling and is not shiok. So i went to as the waiter if we can add some more spicyness to the soup. He say they can do it..... I replied ok and went to the toilet.

I came back, ZP say the waiter came, so i asked him they added soup, he say no..

The waiter came with this and ask how much to put in the soup. ZP say in chinese, pour everything, The waiter ask him is he sure, or maybe just add half first....When i came back only left this and the soup became red sea.

After 5 minutes, sweat came out from his temporal region with his red pouting lips.  Needless to say, he lao-sai for the next morning.

The temperature drop to 9/10 degree for our first night in Taipei due to the han liu. The coolest for the whole trip......In order to avoid getting the cold....So we took a cab back to the hotel.

Good night, from the empty ximending at night.

Hong Kong Day 3 - 2015

 Finally some long and proper rest, time to expore HKG again. Managed to do my make up in the small compact room, and I can finally wear the flurry top that I can't really wear back at home.

 I think they shiftedto other building on the same stretch.....

Yearly shoot at the MTR.

Next day, was at finding the famous Jenny BAkery that i didnt know it existed.

Mid April

Kinda feeling cranky and sucky today. Especially after 2-3 weeks of heavy work load in the office. Pissed when i dont even know the work flow, but I have to perform miracle to do them like my seniors.


Is not like i have done them before. I never done it before yet, I have to do twice in both the migration from the system. If you have taught me properly, the messy accounts i took from u will be easier. I am still clearing the pile of shit you "accumulated"...

You dont want people to bother about you, but you dont like to teach ! So i am suppose to google and see what i am suppose to know. Ridiculous !

Seem like is time to look for something... I am blesses when you all take me in, but the environment seem to be more cold and nasty.... Or the picture become clearer ? Oh well, at least i am learning the basics...